My soulmate of fifty plus years died three weeks ago today. I have a wonderful daughter who was very close to her Dad and she has just gone back to work so I am alone. I have good friends who have been very supportive. One of them told me “don’t try to climb the staircase just do one step at a time” so I am just focusing on getting through one day at a time.
The funeral is on Friday and I am dreading it. I will have to talk to people through floods of tears when all I really want to do is disappear down a rabbit hole.
I keep focusing on the last two weeks we were together, how powerless I felt as I saw him deteriorate. I hope in time I will be able to remember the years of love and happiness we shared and that the last two weeks memories will fade?
I think the days ahead will feel long and lonely. We used to chat to each other all day. Solitary meals will need to be endured, not that I feel hungry.
It feels like a ball of anxious nausea is in the pit of my stomach and Christmas, that we always celebrated, is going to be so hard.
All the wonderful shared experiences that we had, I alone know now, and that feels so painful…
Tingaling - we are all in the same crappy boat. What you describe is exactly how my life is going too. One step at a time, actually one hour at a time for me.
I dreaded the funeral too, however, seeing all the people who came to honor my husband was weirdly comforting. When it was over, I felt a huge burden was lifted after all the planning and whatnot.
My advice is to make sure your hair, nails and make-up are done, put on your best outfit, shoes and jewelry. Dress to impress and to honor your husband with your attention to self. I did and it made the whole thing easier, knowing I didn’t look like I felt.
The day before my husband’s funeral it hit me hard. I thought I had another day, but all of a sudden it was “tomorrow!”. I cried like a baby. The finality. It was all true. Yes, you will cry - ugly crying. It is okay to cry out loud at your husband’s funeral. Don’t fret, you are normal and no one will think poorly of you for the tears and sobs.
You will make it. I promise. You will likely be exhausted, sad, and angry at the world when it is all over, so expect it.
Most of the day is blank with a few snapshots of people and things said. Numb. The church was full and everyone said the mass was beautiful - I heard nothing and I remember none of it because I was sobbing and my mind was a million miles away.
What I do remember was comforting. You will find comfort too.
Much love.
Thank you Peaches Dixon. I really appreciate your support and tips on how to cope with the finality of the funeral.
Sending love and big hugs.
I found that the funeral for my lovely Bridget was so full of things to do, people who needed talking too, that it wasn’t till the day after when I was on my own that it hit me hard. No Bridget.
Be very aware that this could be you. I would recommend on the day after that you have one good friend who you trust and cry to, be with you and keep you company.
My company left the in the afternoon of the next day. I was nice to wake to a house with people in it, have coffee, talk about the funeral, get a few laughs in ,and then say good bye. Filled with love is what I felt.
I am okay alone. I lived alone for 20 years before I met my husband. It is nothing new to me. But, it is not just alone now, it is empty. Big difference.
Much love.
My daughter and I had just registered Dennis’s death and were on our way to inform his bank. I was driving my old Audi convertible that Dennis had always maintained for me. We had the hood down. Suddenly from out of the near side hedge a huge stag ran into the side of my car writing it off, so I don’t have a car.
On top of that as Dennis had always maintained our old Rayburn which is our sole form of heating, provides our hot water and we cook on it. I thought I had best find a local company to undertake the servicing twice a year as Dennis was due to service it but was too ill. To cut a long story short it took four days before it was OK to light. The cold house seemed to magnify our grief as he had always kept us warm and cozy and we could not do all the things that he had done for thirty odd years.
These things have occupied my thoughts alongside the crushing grief. Thank you to all who share their experience of this wretched and unwanted club…