Getting worse

I lost my wonderful husband just before Christmas last year. we we’re together just over forty years. I miss him terribly. I relive the day he died in vivid detail almost every day. I can’t concentrate or make a decision about anything and it seems to be getting worse. Does anyone else feel this way?

Yes, Emjay50, I feel exactly the same, although my husband died in June this year so it is early days yet for me. The desolation is unbearable at times, and I don’t seem to be getting any better. I can only hope that time will heal for you and I and all the other bereaved people out there who are struggling to survive.

Hello Emjay50. I am 51 and like you have no children. I lost my Husband in October 2016, and it doesn’t seem real writing that. I can relate to everything you say, the getting worse and inability to make a decision. I feel so bad I went to see my GP who informed me that the inability to make decisions however big or small was a sign of reactive depression. It may not be so for you but we both seem to be getting worse so you never know. I’m so sorry for your loss, it’s so hard and the constant reliving of the details is just emotionally and physically draining I know, especially as your body may well be suffering physical symptoms as well after such a long time. I’m sorry I can’t be more positive for you but the one thing I can say is if you think you may be depressed and it’s affecting your quality of life and ability to function then please seek medical opinion rather than suffering in silence as this makes things so much worse as I have been experiencing. You are definitely not the only one to have felt as you do. I’m sending you compassionate thoughts, take care Emjay.

The situation we both find ourselves in is truly too awful to bear. Wise people tell me that it’s healthy to go through the suffering and grieve, but I pray for time to go faster so we don’t have to endure it, be kind to yourself and let me know how you are from time to time, xx

Thank you Tina, I think I will take your advice and go to my GP. I have always been a very confident and capable person, to the point of being a tiny bit of a control freak, if I’m honest! so to feel like I do is very frightening. I was beginning to think that I
had some kind of dementia! I am so sorry for you loss, take care and let me know how you are getting on now and then, xx

Thank you, Emjay50 for your reply. Like you, I have always been in control and very strong minded. I never visualised not being able to cope but that is how I am now. We had been married for 66 years so you can imagine how it must be now that he has gone. I have read books on bereavement and they have all said more or less the same thing - that what we are feeling is normal and in time we will be better. I cannot believe that at this moment but hope they are right. The intense loneliness is what I hate the most. I am lucky to have family close to hand but they have gone back to living their very busy lives and I suspect that they feel I should come to terms with my loss and move on. Not easy. Keep chatting on here if it helps. xx

My DH died suddenly and unexpectedly in front of me in May. We had been married 35 years.

Like you, in the first few months I was numb, in a fog but keeping busy.

The last couple of days I’ve been in constant meltdown, possibly because it’s our Jewish New Year and everyone I see is with their families and in couples. Although we weren’t that religious, it has brought it home to me that I don’t have my life partner with me any more.

I was invited to my dear rabbi nephew and his family- who is sensitive to my situation- but I had to run away from the dinner table to have a good cry in the toilet.

I was always independent and had many hobbies away from my DH, but they don’t have the same meaning for me without him there. My dog keeps me going because I have to walk her every day and she licks me in greeting every morning. Not quite the same as a hubby cuddle but better than nothing!

Emjay, I think we have to accept the grief and cry when we need to, but put on a happy face when out. I know our dear departed loved ones don’t want us to be like this for too long. I know this because I had a lovely and accurate reading from a well-known medium and this gave me hope.

I think it’s a case of self-preservation to try to lift our mood in any way we can - (except drink & drugs!)

Thanks for reply, take care.