Morning Doreen.
Must admit I had a bit of a day yesterday.
I too am dreading winter and especially Christmas and new year, perhaps we can get Mr Scott to beam us all up for a group drink on Christmas Eve.
Take care hugs Ron.
3 Likes
I can’t explain this but I have been in floods of tears for most of this morning.
I hate this life without my Bill… I miss him more than words can say. I just can’t stand the thought of weeks and months stretching out without him. I love him so much.
Got to chose a colour of stone for his headstone this afternoon. Still can’t believe I’ve got to do this for him.
He wouldn’t want me to be like this but what can I do - the tears come like a waterfall and I can’t stop them. Life is just so pointless. 
5 Likes
Morning Harriet I am also always in floods of tears but I have been told just to let the fall as its part of grieving.
Like yourself I cant envisage life without Gra.
But we have no choice !!! The pain is so hard to bare the lonilness is like nothing I can explain. But we have to just travel one day at a time and carry the pain foward and hopefully in time we will not hurt as much as we do now. Hugs Jo xxx
3 Likes
It’s life, Ron. But not as we know it.
I refuse to even think about the ‘C’ word until December.
Xx
5 Likes
Morning Ron
I too have a really bad few days.
Weekends are always bad for me but this week it just went on and on.Really sad and miserable.
What a life !!!
What’s left of it!!!
Your suggestion sounds great to me unfortunately Mr Spock has also gone.
Wouldn’t it be great though if some of us could actually get together .
Well on with the chores if I can motivate myself.
Hope you have a better day.
Thinking of you much comfort .
Doreen x
3 Likes
To be honest Jane my wife was a bit of a bugger,she would start Christmas shopping in January,gradually over the year a spare bedroom would gradually fill with wrapping paper,presents,new lights etc.
My daughter seems to have taken on her mantle,I got a call over the weekend saying it’s ok dad I’ve got Rosie’s (my great grandaughter) Christmas present for you,that’s all kids and grandkids sorted🤷🏼♂️
2 Likes
Hi All
my partner would also start the shopping in Jan. I just went to the CO OP and seen a mutual friend, he took one look at me and knew something wasn’t right, I sometimes wish we had had put an ad in the paper. Back to square one again, he was lovely said he didn’t know what to say. I said there isn’t really is there. I explained what he had he said he has a lung disease as well. Its everywhere we go I feel this is not getting any better I really don’t know how I am suppose to move on, will have to keep it together at work not there fault its coming up to the festive season and have to be careful around me. Its right though you just end up thinking about what life you have left. Moving on moving onto what. I know I keep saying it but how do we move on. Not drinking I know I f I have one that will be it. I will scream and shout and get very angry this way its contained. x
3 Likes
I have offered to work on the day jesus was born. The thought of being here on own fills me with dread. Friends do dwindle. Must see its me on the mobile then send a message. Today met 2 friends both have cancer so like I said not 1 in 2 think more like everyone now. Strange thing I noticed though only knew one had it. So you just dont know. Went for a good walk today. Dear jack now knackered. The shops are filling up nicely with what we dont want to see. The music will be next. I shall have the car running as wont b3 in there for that long. Just cant get into anything anymore. When I see the easter eggs it will make me think we have moved on. Now the nights have drawn in… may go to the village bingo then bet I win the turkey but at least jack qnd ferrals will see to that. X
5 Likes
Rosie jack
To read your post it really identifies with me.
I was wondering what kind of job you do to offer to work on our lords birthday just nosy really
As I have done it my self and so has my wonderful husband Sam as a police officer.
I remember vividly spending half of my
Xmas and new year on my own.
But he was always coming home to me.
We have all been there with the phone calls
and choosing who and not to answer same as the texts and whats app.
People are busy I know that but they say if there is any thing I can do ???.
Then we are at our worst and need a listening and supportive ear it feels very cruel and lonely
as we know full well they have now moved on with their normal and happy lives.
The merry Xmas is of course not true for many
People.
The shops full of music bright light and lovely
food etc was always over the top for us.
We enjoyed our own lovely version and we looked forward to it very much.
I don’t know how all of this will affect us.
I know lots of us have no other family or many friends.
This is going to be grim.
Sending you comfort Doreen x
2 Likes
Hi Doreen.
In the past being in the military I had to work on a few occasions over that period having been deployed,but I was always surrounded by a great group of guys,and my wife had the kids,in laws and her parents to celebrate with.
Sadly all gone and no more,so this year is gonna be a tough one.
Hugs Ron.
5 Likes
Hi Dor
I am a Pychartric nurse work also with police. So it will be hard. Strange really dont want to be anywhere went shopping yesterday brought morw food for jack and ferrals. I know life goes on but this so awful. Walking jack on one of our walks dont think I will do this one again. Only one from now I think. Did try to stay in today not drive anywhere but need to be with people but dont just dont know. Wish I could just stop thinking like this but I cant so work will be very difficult so may have to take mnh breaks. Thank you for replying. Hope you arw trying to managex
3 Likes
Hi Ron
Reading your post like you my family /
parents are
Gone now and some close friends.We did have
some lovely family Xmas ‘s together.
I did read though you have a daughter and granddaughter .
Will they be with you at Xmas?
I did smile at the loving description of your lovely wife though.
I am / was the same with room being filled up with Xmas stuff.
I just sent our massive 8 foot prelit Xmas tree
To the tip.
It takes two to put it up!!!
No one has invited me yet to Xmas lunch.
We used to go to several pre Xmas lunch outings and really enjoyed our selves.
My Sam used to look forward to me making our
Xmas cake.
He always begged for a slice well before Xmas as it looked so delicious being laced with sherry.
I wished now I had said yes.
I have no children so my family is small now
and they all get on with their own lives.
Just as we did .
Lots of comfort Doreen x
2 Likes
Hi Rosie
Read your post.
Hard job you have got and well done you.
I know about the walks as I do that also.
What keeps me going on and doing that through tears and talking to my self and out loud is my little cocker spaniel lavender.
I know and see how much she grieves for her dad so I take her on her walks and see her change and forget for a while the stress and loss she must feel.
How on earth any of us move forward with all of this on our minds and the festive season to drag
Us down even further more miserable more lonely
Love and hugs Doreen x
Hi Doreen.
Yes I will be at my daughters for Christmas Day lunch,it was always held at ours until my wife was diagnosed,then for the past three years our daughter took it on.
Although all our decorations are still stored away I will not be putting them up.
I am not sure I ever will again.
Sending peace and comfort.
Ron.
2 Likes
I don’t think I’ll be putting up any Christmas decorations this year, apart from one that Bill bought me last year - a lovely train engine and carriage that light up and a large Father Christmas that he really wanted.
I know I’ll be told that Bill would want me to put up decorations but I just can’t. Bill and I spent Christmas together, with the family having been a week or so before. I don’t know how I’m going to face it. I don’t want to go to my stepdaughter ‘s. She’s very good but I really can’t face being with so many people. In a way I hope she doesn’t ask me’ cos I don’t want to upset her by refusing.
I’m still in floods of tears every morning, even after 12 weeks of Bill not being here. I really hate this life. It seems to be getting worse, not better.
It’s my birthday on Wednesday. The first one without my Bill. I guess I’ll be on my own - family working or away on holiday.
4 Likes
Hi Harret4bill
I kno mw excatly what you mean 12 weeks on 19th. Ibtook 5 trees to the tip. Have kept the small things we brought but I wont be putting anything up. It will be so so painful. Family have there families and would not entertain going if were invited. Hoping to work. Wont be alot of cheer at work. I like you am finding all the fouthcoming events very painful. My partner and I visited my mom last year as she went into a home. We came home to have a lovely dinner and watched a film. It was a lovely day. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think it would be our last. The cancer was there not showing itself till it was too late. We never know do we. Will just go out on walks and talk to her and ponder and cry and then it will be 2025. The more I look at photos the more I cannot belive it. X
5 Likes
I’m also in floods of tears today. People outside are cheerful because its a lovely sunny day. He should be here enjoying it too. I’ve just counted. Its now 18 weeks since Andy died so suddenly. He was so well and active up until the very minute he died.
I miss him more and more as time goes on.
8 Likes
Hi Lydia i know I have toed to go for one of our walks 12 weeka on 19th had to com3 back to another one. I have stared at pepple today jealous infact. Work tomorrow not been since 15th may i am dreading it i am walking now a place where we walked alot i feel close to partner here. Keep calling her name k ow shes never coming back ever. It is so so upsetting x
2 Likes
Early days for me but I know from personal experience it gets worse before it gets better. My first wife died from a brain haemorrhage over 12 years ago, eventually after time I met a new lady and she helped me heal myself. I thought I was blessed to have two beautiful people that came into my life. Figen died on the 1st of this month from cancer she struggled for months of pain it was horrendous. So I am now going through what I experienced before and its crippling me but I won’t give in, Figen would not expect me to. I have started to use what knowledge and tools that I can to come to terms with this grief cycle. At the minute I am listening to my music Enigma to help soothe my troubled mind and heal my broken spirit/heart.
Day at a time just do it a day at a time, I wish you all the best on your sorrowful journey to recovery.
2 Likes
It really is so upsetting isn’t it. I have a permanent sinking feeling. It still doesn’t seem real that he’s not able to come back. Its so so sad.
1 Like