I think if you lot are crazy then so am I .
I talk to him none stop ask why he gad to leave me. To give me a sign he is still here.
Yes i also watched coronation St I wasvin bit to , I actually sobbed buckets. I don’t know wether it was for them or for me. All those memories came flooding back from 13 weeks ago.
Hugs Jo xxx
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Oh dear, maybe I won’t watch Coronation Street. I recorded it but
I have enough misery of my own. I know they try to be realistic and some of the storylines are to raise awareness, but I watch soaps to be entertained. If I want to learn about more serious things I watch a documentary or read a book about it, or look online.
Sorry, just how I feel. I should probably just stick to kids tv programmes. I am feeling a little bit too delicate at the moment for tearjerkers. So, thanks for the heads up. Xx
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Well it is a real tear jerker Willow trust me.
I didnt know last night he was going to die otherwise I wouldn’t have watched it.
The tears fall fast enough I don’t need any help in that regards.
Hope you are your daughter are well.
Hugs Jo xxx
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Hi I watched it it was very moving but took me back to 19th june its all so raw isnt it not going to get any better now summers gone although didnt notice any of it to be honest. Still cant believe its 12 weeks on 19th. Just all does not feel real .not too sure what to belive now to be honest x
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It’s certainly good to get a heads up about programmes / films that can be distressing.
It’s easy to get caught out - I try watch very predictable and simple tv with a happy ending or a resolution if a very unrealistic crime !!
I was planning to go see the new beetlejuice movie at the weekend but my son went in the afternoon and called me to say I might not want to go. There was the death of a dad / husband and a Halloween wedding ( we got married Halloween 1992)
Will now maybe watch it when it’s on tv and I can cry if need to at home rather than drown out the cinema !!
I’ll def give coronation st a miss 
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It was very Moving Rose it is still very raw, and like you say the winter months are going to be worse at least at the moment I see ppl going about there business up till about 8.30. Hating the thought of the curtians beeen closed early. The lonilness is a killer. Hugs Jo xxx
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Anything around dying sets me off but I guess our emotions are just there under the surface waiting to be released.
I did watch it by accident (didn’t know he was going to die last night) and the acting was amazing, I try not too watch anything too sad and morbid as it can trigger me. I watch police series like line of duty, it takes my mind off everything, currently watching Sherwood which is an excellent series. Last night it was cold, wet and dark, I drew the curtains about 7pm and put the lights on and it dawned on me it’s now fast approaching long winter months ahead. Hate the winter cooped up with just the TV for company so making sure I have lots of things to watch, I have Netflix, Prime, etc so plenty of choice otherwise I would climb the walls. This is the time of year I hate being on my own the most
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We use to watch BGT just something tontake us away from the mad world we live in but that and strictly will be so painful. I dont know what the answer is I really dont. Some friendsnnow are not messaging back. Knew this would happen people get bored of us banging on. Well tough we this is what its like now for me. Life will never be the same no matter what happens now. Work next week saame chit chat from work people same old. Oh see I am not thinking postive juat cant believe that I am going back to work knowing my partner is no longer on this planet. That feels so so wrong x
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This will be the first winter on our own for many on here and in a strange way I think I am dreading it and not at the same time.
The option to just close the curtains and lock out the world feels quite appealing at the moment, but I will miss our after dinner walk with the dog in the dark, where the weather would usually be awful, but it would be nice to get back into the warmth and a cuppa in front of the tv. Oh to be able to do that now.
My husband was only sick for last winter and so I think it will be an especially tough time.
Xx
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Rosiejack. I didn’t watch it but it came up on breakfast tv this morning. Mornings aren’t good and I usually end up in tears. I was actually doing quite well until that came on. I totally lost the plot. It just took me back to sitting round Bill’s bed in the hospital watching that last breath - it’s heartbreaking. 
It’s 11 weeks tomorrow since my Bill passed away. I feel like you - where did the summer go. I dread the dark evenings with no-one to talk to or laugh with or watch tv with. I don’t know about you, or any others, but I seem to be getting worse. I cry more each day 'cos I miss him so so much every day. I know he wouldn’t want me to be like this but I just can’t help it. I can only speak for myself when I say life is just not worth living. I have a house with all the lovely things we bought and Bill’s not here to share them any more - what’s the point.
Sorry to sound so negative but I just can’t see anything positive.
Love and hugs to everyone going through this 
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It’s so hard to see the positive when we are in the depths of our grieving. And that’s ok.
I’m prepared for this to last some time but really hope that some day I will start to feel motivated to live again and move forward.
I’m certainly not anywhere near that now at 6 months in, and have hardly had anytime alone in those 6 months to be able to grieve for myself, which I really need to do.
Just one day at a time is all we can manage at the moment. Anything else is just too much.
Sending love and hugs xx
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Hi Harriet
No I feel like that too. Admitted it to my manager who came to see me. But think I am over that for now. Feel like I am treading in treacle. I sm looking out of the window thinking this is it now. Any one notice the chocs in the supermarkets you know the ones I mean for xmas. It does sound good to close the world out its certainly going quick enough. I could just cry and cry always talking to her when out and in the house and car. The TV is company how sad is that. Have jack bicon asleep and a ferral cat in. Dont know how I will cope with work. When she past it was June now its September nearly 3 months no idea what happened to summer nor care really. One friend messaged back to say they are busy we can catch on thursday. See what I mean people move on dont they … wait till it happens to them… maybe they are scared … sorry for rambling but dont think people actually can listen after a certain time x
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My husband died last March so I have already gone through the first winter on my own as my 15yr dog also died 6 mths after my husband. It was the worst winter I have ever known but in November I was called up for Jury service and got called to serve on a 3wk rape trial, grim you would say but it actually saved me as it got me out and was also really interesting, plus I made friends and still meet up now so it got me through that awful time. I have plans this winter as I have booked a few trips away because I cannot ever go through another winter/Xmas like that again
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Hi LynT
Well done for going through with it. But like you said got you out and focued on something. I am dreading this part of the year. Just no idea how we are meant to go on. I did go to a monthly meeting for ladies from the next village lunchtime get together it was nice but I did feel awkward but they did make me very welcome. Am trying to go out more but its hard. Have to make new friends may enquire about a breavment service as that may help. X
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I feel the same, nothi g as any meaning anymore material things dont matter all I want is my husband back my life back that I feel I was robbed of.
I dont want the dark nights I am lonely enough now been closed in so early in the day is my worst nightmare.
Hugs Jo xxx
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I’m with you Jo. What I wouldn’t give to have my Bill back with me.
Just put something in for my meal and every time I do this it upsets me ‘cos I just think this is it now.
Bill loved cooking and was always looking for new recipes to try out. That’s why I’ ve got a freezer full of food he was going to cook. I can hardly bear to look at it 'cos I know he wanted to use it. 
Why does life have to be so hard, so pointless. I know we all feel very much the same but what can we do. All I seem to do is cry which doesn’t achieve anything apart from making me more miserable.
Sorry, I’m going on again.
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Its really good to book things up. I am already getting upset again its raining like crazy feel so cut off its awful. I feel the next few months but then time is going so quickly. Just cannot belive any of it. Been thinking about alot lately. No more laughing no more going out shopping the simple.things recycle centres. Even rushing the shopping through due to car park limit. All the crazy things you think of were fill of life and fun and being together. I am crying when I think about these things… this is just soul destroying. I just dont know how people move on. Looking out of the window windy rain and cold. I have never felt like this and cannot get my head around this. I have never seen somebody die so quickly. 4 weeks of knowing then gone. 4 weeks of tests then discussions then going in to be told… this is it… x
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One of the million awful things we have to face when we lose our husbands is our very own mortality too. We understand our parents are going to die before us but we never ever contemplate about our husbands dying, well I didn’t, it was only then that I stared my own death in the face because by the law of average, it’s us next. It’s the finality of life, it changes you forever, knowing most of our life is behind us and now mainly made up of memories stuck in a weird limbo land, knowing what’s already gone but not knowing what’s ahead. Everything feeling pointless, no real purpose and without our special person to motivate us and walk alongside life with us, it also hits home how quickly life goes by and how truly precious it is. I made a decision at the start of this year that I want to live it again, I want to be connected again and have a reason to be happy again and enjoy this life I now have. I am setting small achievable goals, just something to look forward to at the end of a week, end of a month and some yearly ones too. I will not allow grief to rob me of my own life, it’s already took a huge chunk of me. I will husband love and miss my husband but I don’t want to live in perpetual heartbreak, sadness and misery anymore so although it takes a lot of hard work and effort to start over again, I have turned a corner this year and I think we all have to keep building on the little wins/positives
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Hi LynT
I have been thinking of my passing too. Almost too much. I think that definitely is a positive move in the right direction. I wasnt good unable to function am definitely going through the now 6 stages of grief. It will never leave me nor do I want it to. But will have to try to shift this. Work next week that will help me I think dont think being here in bed early is helping. Need to try and move forward but will have my memories on board with me. Still feel robbed though shouldnt be like this. Before I know it 10 years will pass. A friend of my partner who is now 83 she said life was good then when she hit 70 it went like a clip of her fingers. God that could easily be me. Its like down hill now. No brakes. Cant allow that tj happen. I have learned so much on here thank you all x
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Hello Rosie jack
I know what you mean when I am out with my lovely cocker spaniel I feel as if I am dragging my legs after me.Wading through treacle but I still have to move and get on with it.
This is truly a dreadful situation we find our selves trapped in for eternity .
I didn’t want it I want my own lovely life that we had before loving funny sometimes a bit
Niggly with each other.we shared everything
absolutely everything
I just long for my Sam and I too talk to him all the time.
I do hope you can manage at work it’s horrible
to have to cope with that as well.
Yes I have noticed the Xmas stuff in the shops and it’s coming at us full steam ahead and I am dreading it.
I don’t want to sit here on my own on Xmas eve
and I am choked as I can’t even contemplate
Getting up on my own on Xmas day.
I wonder how all of us feel about that.
I too have noticed that the messages and some
Calls have dwindled.
Life does go on for some of us though not as we knew it.
Most people have no idea what we are going through.
Sending you comfort. Doreen x
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