Thanks it was a nice homemade meal and all got a little gift. But I get home exhausted but better than sitting indoors another day. Picked up a few tips what other people do. Like there are senior lunches every day I. A pub for £10 for two courses. Used to be half that but times have changed and it is double that in some places
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@Enorac
Glad you enjoyed it and yes it got you out that’s the main thing. Where I live in Sheffield 15-20quid is usually considered cheapish. Obviously you want something decent for your money. And you don’t always want to do a Weather Spoons.x
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Oh I had forgotten about wether spoons. We used to go there. I might try that again if it is still there. Haven’t checked lately but where I live they had stuck prices up ages ago. I have paid top wack to go with others but ended up with a double sized meal could have shared between two wasting half of it and didn’t like to take it home to eat later pretending got a dog which had cat who would have liked fish but she died. In some places they used to let you share a meal. But I am trying to go a bit with the flow. One chap ended up with three halves of others food as his portion was small and he said he hadn’t eaten all day so was quite amusing.
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Yes the group I go to is helpful on one level. Sometimes helpers there not in same boat put foot in it as they get pushy wrongly assuming that helps but opposite true. But they mean well but have to have helpers to set place up. That was why we formed WhatsApp group excluding helpers so we could do things we chose. So that way post ideas see who wants to join in. There is a play three of six are going to. Wasn’t my cup of tea. But other suggestions did go to. Some don’t mind sharing rooms but I can’t do that with people not family at the moment.
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Enorac, we all want a life back to normal and we are all doing it on our own time and at our own pace. Figuring out how to live as a single person is hard and made harder the longer the marriage and the older the survivor.
It is now 21 weeks since my husband died and I do not leave the house except for special invites and necessities. I don’t like being away from my home. For whatever reason, I rush back home when I have to leave.
Going on a cruise would be out of the question as my brain can’t think well enough to plan a ham sandwich.
Go out to eat alone. Go to a movie theater alone. See how you do experiencing things alone. Go to the museum alone. Go for an overnight trip to somewhere alone. Baby steps.
Much love
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Yes I felt the same at 21 weeks. It is now 118 weeks. I have done baby steps as well.
It is different at different times
I am slower than some people. I still scuttle back to the safety of my home.
Enorac, I agree with Peaches about going out alone. I think it helps to see how you would cope. I’ve sort of done the eating - but does McDonalds really count? I went to an Elkie Brooks concert alone that Mary had booked for us both, I’d actually been to a Formula 1 exhibition alone in the month before Mary died, so that’s not quite the same of course, but I’ve done the overnight in a hotel on my own and now the first of two weeks in our second home alone. None were easy but I needed to do them for the sake of my sanity and future. The real restaurant meal has yet to come but that may be on the way home next weekend. Then will come a restaurant who know us as a couple - as they’ll wonder why I’m alone. I might try our local one, who already know the score first, then one that doesn’t.
@Nigel-Marnee
Yes I think that would be a good idea to start from first. I went to my hairdresser today unfortunately for me a couple of people whom I just know through there came in. They’d just been told about my hubby so of course they’d decided they was going to try and comfort me by talking about him all the time. It was awful. After a while I had to leave. Xx
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Yes it is the unexpected that is hard. I avoid going where certain people I know who are pushy for instance because I can’t handle it.
It was the early days and I had only just ventured out to buy a newspaper in the local post office and felt overwhelmed when suddenly someone I knew said will you go to church now with me? It was the last place I wanted to go with masses of people there and having to face a barrage. The funeral had been scary enough. So I declined. She seemed shocked. Just because other people do that sort of thing .
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I just have to put this sort of thing down to not understanding. One day they will know for themselves!
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@Nigel-Marnee
You’re so right. I can’t believe I’ve had to be in this situation and look at some people and think WTF.
The thing is this person did lose her husband the previous year but she assumed what she felt was what I felt.
And people react differently.
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100% agree with that!
Yes that is one thing I have learnt. Can listen and dont push or judge. Talking and being heard helps. Sharing differences but if you need to be heard and all the person does is rabbit on about themselves it is counter -productive. On here you are free to read it or not. Writing it helps. Take tips that fit.
Its nearly been two months since ive lost my wife ive been back to work but i miss her so much im alone she was my best friend my only friend its so hard .
I feel I’ve been pushed, too, to do things I just don’t want to do. I manage myself and the house and that’s enough for me now. There’s a lot to do when you’re doing two people’s jobs and it takes the energy and motivations just to do that. And, until you lose a spouse, no one really gets just how hard it is.
I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your wife, and her being your best and only friend. The isolation of grief is so difficult. I was never lonely before and now I am only lonely for my beloved love of my life. best friend, husband. Please reach out on here, you will be heard. I am fourteen weeks and the missing doesn’t get any easier in my experience but I wanted you to know you are heard. Take care
@Nancy123
I agree. You can feel as if you’re getting pushed into things. I know people mean well but as you like you say until you lose your partner there’s no understanding. I’m doing things in my own time. When I want to . Small steps for me at the moment. Take care and do it your way. Xx
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Yes, thank you.