You may say that to ‘give up’ and to ‘give in’ are the same, they are not. Giving up is the road to despair, to guilt and remorse. It blocks any possible relief because it’s totally negative. The moment you say ‘I give up’ is the moment you close all avenues of help. We all need help, that’s obvious. But if we say to anyone we have given up, then they may withdraw their help because what’s the point. How can anyone who sinks into total negativity be helped? Once again, if I give the impression it’s easy and that I don’t know what I am talking about well I can assure you I do. It’s more than a year for me but I have learned so much in that time.
‘Giving in’ is different because it allows emotions to flow. Give in to the feelings. Yes, all of them. No fighting or struggling with ‘IT’. Cry buckets if you want; feel sad and miserable if you want, but don’t allow despair to enter the picture.
Some people regard expressing emotions as some sort of shame, so they bottle them up which is about the worse thing to do. Emotions are powerful energy, and if allowed to turn inward can cause physical problems. Does it matter what anyone thinks. It’s you who are grieving not them. How can they know unless they have been there?
I’m not suggesting breaking down at every ‘trigger’ that comes along, and there are many as we all know. But giving your emotions permission to be, to come when they will and not run away from them in work or ‘keeping busy’. Yes, occupation is good, but not at the expense of suppressing feelings or trying to escape from them.
Emotional energy will out in some way, and if not given free rein can cause problems. None of this is easy, God knows. Our natural instinct is to ‘fight’ our feelings. Our upbringing, especially among men, dictates that ‘we are British, and must keep a stiff upper lip’. Rubbish! We may, well most of us, be British, but are still human beings in great pain.
Take care. Be kind to yourself. Be as your loved one would want you to be. Blessings.
Thank you, Jonathan.
MaryL
Hello Jonathan. Can I say thankyou. Giving up or giving in is a good point. It’s almost as if you have written this for me today but of course there are many of us struggling. After a good few days, yesterday I suddenly found myself hitting rock bottom and when this happens it would be so easy to say “I give up”. However I can honestly say I have never thought of giving up. Far from it but sometimes it just becomes so hard and it is tempting to fall into a deeper hole than you thought possible but the only option for me is to start that climb out yet again. It’s so frustrating. though. So thank you because what you have written is helping to pull me out of that hole and I hope many others also.
Again bless you xxx
Pat
Dear Jonathan, (lovely name, our great grandson is Jonathan James, he is not 15 months old), sorry, I digress. I just wanted to tell you that I agree with Pat, I look forward to reading your posts, they are deep but so simple to understand.
Thank you, may God bless you,
MaryL