My wife of 49 years passed away last October 2022 with pulmonary fibrosis she was only really ill for the last twelve months she was on oxygen the last four months ,but the end was sudden and unexpected.Some of her last words to me were go live your life ,she was so desperate to get to our 50th anniversary.I told her that she would be with me everywhere I go, I have had her eternity ring made to fit me and I wear it every day just as a commitment she is with me ,as it gives me comfort.At first when I got my head around her loss I went out every day somewhere as when she was ill we could not go anywhere together,but ar the end of the day you still go home to an empty house and be on your own , I am lucky that I have a very supporting family who always asks if I’m ok and invite me over to meals and to stay ,but at the end of the day you still feel the loss and sometimes have a breakdown,when people ask are you ok I always say yes I am but am I really?,.
How difficult this loss is and so many of us on here are here for that reason. The support of your family is so important but you will also have support from people on here and no judgement if you say you are NOT OK. This journey is so unplanned and no amount of preparation could make it easier I don’t think since there is no pattern to it. You may have days, or parts of days when you are OK but there may be others when you are certainly not. Each of those is normal and should never be considered wrong.
Post anything you feel on this forum and you’ll find some amazing people here to walk the journey with you.
Almost ten months since I lost my darling husband, completely out of the blue. This life is certainly not what I had hoped it to be and I miss him every day but I am beginning to create a life around my grief. I will not allow it to steal what I still have, which is my daughters, brother and Mum as well as still enough health to be fairly active. I intend to look after what mattered to Richard to the best of my ability and make him proud of me.
Sending love to you.
Thanks Karen this means a lot ,sometimes you need to communicate with other than family who have been though the same circumstances to see hew they deal with the daily loss.Thanks .
Yes, you will be ok. I lost Viv coming up to 3 years ago. I will always miss her because we did everything together and those are the memories that remain with me. I always say yes when people ask if I am ok but I’m not. Take care and know you have friends on here you can always talk to x
After nearly six months I find that anyone asking me if I am ok always breaks me up, if only for a minute or two.
But that’s normal - and sometimes gives me the chance to say how I am feeling, when otherwise I might hide it.
Sounds like you are making the best you can of things.
It’s nearly six months for me.
After being together for over 53 years, married for nearly 52, life is very different, some days kinder than others, but trying to start again as an I instead of We, is so very hard. I know that my husband would only want me to be happy and content, but at the moment, that feels a big mountain to climb.
I have lovely family and friends, one friend recently widowed, but this site helps to be able to say what we feel freely, knowing that we are understood. I will take Ken with me everyone i go.
Sending love to you all.x
@Salsnips & @Tomcat
I find that it’s when I see people for the first time after losing Richard that I break down most often. Subsequent ‘hello, how are you?’ I can get away with ‘Up and down,’ as an answer and keep the tears until a more ‘convenient ‘ time
I am lucky to live in an incredible village which has extremely supportive and non judgmental people.
I am so sorry for your loss, we made 27 years, I guess people will tell you different things but there is no easy answer, its just a day at a time, somedays will be one step forward eight back, one of the hardest things i came across was doing a survey and it asked when i wanted to retire and at 53 it hit me, i cant do another 10 /20 years alone
I retired from the police three years ago so I’ve seen my fair share of death and bereavement but when it’s someone close it’s a lot different,I find myself still talking to her when I’m at home or out in the car ,maybe I’m just talking to myself but I helps as I’d like to think she can hear me ,the thing I can’t get used to is buying food for one person as it all seems to cater for two at least, the amount I’ve thrown away you wouldn’t believe.
Yes, @Tomcat I talk to Viv everyday and no, you are not talking to yourself, you’re talking to her! I also find it difficult to cook for 1 when we used to have up to10 children and grandchildren here for Sunday dinner. I agree, nowhere seems to cater for one person. Take care x
@Tomcat My husband had Pulmonary Fibrosis. He had a lung transplant in Oct 21 but sadly passed away in August 2022. He was 51. I miss him every day - it’s 6 months tomorrow. We were together 22yrs. Its his birthday on 10/3 & my 50th on 21/3 - its all so hard, isn’t it? x
It is hard especially coming home to an empty house , I don’t think that the oxygen she was on helped it seems to have put lots of carbon dioxide in her that she couldn’t clear , I hope that things get better over time and you get some comfort, take care , we were together 49 years
@Tiaposy - you have a lot of milestones to contend with soon. Hope they are not too overwhelming.
Mine are not far behind yours. A year on 25th April, our anniversary on 15th May, anniversary of funeral on 21st May and my birthday 26th May.
We’ll get through them together.
@Tiaposy Thinking of you today. Hugs xx
Thank you so much. I came to Spain to see my sister with my 89yr old mum and she has just tested positive for Covid .
@Tiaposy Thinking of all of you and hope you all are ok through this. Hugs xx
Fingers crossed you don’t catch it and that your sister and Mum stay well.