I’d really value peoples’ thoughts and experiences.
My incredibly husband of 33 years died totally unexpectedly on 1st March. I think the people reading this will have an idea of the misery, pain, loneliness and anger I feel. He was only 54, I’m 58. Our amazing retirement vanished. My Mum died two weeks before him and my grieving for her was washed-away by the second death so I know that will bubble-up again soon. It’s horrific.
My boss has been amazing, as has the whole company. They’ve given me the whole of March and April off on full-pay. So kind and generous.
But I’m a complete mess, and my life has lost all purpose. My job is a senior leadership role in a fast-paced business: I just can’t imagine I will have any interest in board meetings or customer engagement or planning anything. Seems totally pointless since my world changed forever. I worry it will all feel irrelevant and I’ll just drift through the days adding no value, but crying a lot. Just cannot see the point.
Have any of you been in a similar place? Were you able to function and add value at work? Did it actually help having a distraction? How long did you leave it before you went back?
Thanks.
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Hi @JamieGatley , I’m so sorry for your loss. I was only 63yrs when my husband died in March 2021, so I was still working. I did go back to work after 7 weeks, I worked in a school running reprographics.
The first day back I cried all the way to work, but once there, I soon got back into a routine. There were many days I cried especially if someone asked how I was. But looking back it did give me a reason to get up and get into a routine.
The worse bit was walking home to an empty house with no cup of tea waiting. Now I’ve been retired just over a year, it wasn’t the retirement we had planned. Now I just keep myself busy, I go out alot, meet friends, trips on my own. My husband was a bus driver, so I go on lots of bus trips, it makes me feel close to him.
Going back to work won’t be easy, I can honestly say the job I loved didn’t have the same meaning anymore, nothing does when you loose your partner, but looking back it helped get me through each day.
Debbie x
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Hi Jamie. I went back to work on a phased return in July last year after my husband passed away in may. The phased return went through until October and it helped going back to give me some focus. I do find that I can only wear the mask for so long in a day and then I need to get away from people so I tend to retreat back home and finish off work from there. For me, it has put things into perspective. I don’t get as stressed about things at work and I am better at switching off than I was before. I very much think now it’s just a job as nothing is as bad as losing your partner. I do find that people are really kind but they quickly move on and kind of forget when you are still struggling. I would say pace yourself and don’t tell people you are ok cos you’re not x
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That’s so helpful. Thanks.
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Hard to read, but thanks.
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Jamie I have been in the same situation as you but because I am a contractor I don’t get paid when I’m not working and I also have a very high profile job- I was working 2 days after my partner died- I can tell you that it took my mind off for a while but I must admit that I had my moments- my boss and work mates made it easier but after work I was a mess- in the end keeping busy did make it easier- but after nearly 4 months on I’m feeling better but occasionally very emotional especially now I’m doing the apartment up and I don’t know why because I brought everything when we were together- I really think it’s the carpet that’s been down for 20 years and now it’s going- I think I might keep a square and frame it lol xx
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Thank you. Really helped.
Hello I am so sorry for your losses. It must be very difficult for you just now. All the emotions that comes with grief can be overwhelming. I had 3 weeks off after my mum passed last August.
For me I do feel that I am bake to focus when I am at work which is good. Sometimes the thought of work seems so much worse then when I am there. Maybe you could do a phased return to see how you go?
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