Can I ask for some advise. It’s been just over a month since I lost my love. Everyday is a struggle and I feel myself sinking into a depression. I am now sleeping most days to 4pm and it’s not healthy for me. I still haven’t slept in our bed and am sleeping on the sofa. I work from home and my company have been amazing. I am considering going back a few days a week later this month; is this to soon? I just feel I need to get some structure back into my life; otherwise I’ll just lie on our sofa forever… much love to you all, Dottie x
I can only speak from my own experience Dottie. I thought I was coping for the first three months and then family went back to work and their own lives. I suddenly heard the quiet and realised this was now my life. I fell apart. I couldn’t function. I didn’t want to be alone. I cried all the time. I’m sorry I can’t give better news. Do what you feel comfortable with and if it’s not right then take some more time. What you are going through is huge. We all grieve in different ways and what is right for one may not be right for another. Sending a hug x
Thank you for the support. It’s just so hard to know what to do. If it wasn’t for my brother, I would be totally alone. Martins family have not phoned or even sent a message in the past week…. I just feel if I had something to get up for, I might feel stronger to cope… much love to you xx❤️
My brother moved in with me because I couldn’t cope and hated being alone. I think if he hadn’t I would be in a very different place. As it is today has been a hard day. I don’t sleep unless I take sleeping tablets and I have bad anxiety. Life is so difficult at the moment and I’m fifteen months in. I miss him so much x
My heart breaks for you. I’m only a month in and find I can’t think too far ahead into the future. It’s just the worst pain I have ever felt and the world is a very different place without my love…. Sending you a massive hug xx❤️
This is a difficult one and it has come up before.
Personally I felt I needed structure and something to focus on and although i didn’t have a boss I chose to think about it a few days after losing my husband. My husband had asked me to keep things going but there was loads of tears but I would prefer this to lying around at home all day with only my own thoughts and heartbreak. I didn’t want family staying with me as I preferred to be alone and not burden others and knew I would have to be on my own at some time or other. I never considered medication as I wanted to be aware of my grief and not try to mask over it. It had to be faced. I did have to meet people and this did help me also to adjust. So very hard at first but it is your choice so good luck.
Thank you for your response. I just know if I do this for much longer I will lose myself completely. I miss my life and my love and I know Martin would be devastated to see me like this. I have a call tomorrow with my company and they have said whatever makes me comfortable, I’ll see after my call tomorrow… sending love xx❤️
I am in the same place, one month in and I still think its a test…
Hi @Dottie72, it’s very much an individual decision, what right for some is not for others.
I went back to work after 7 weeks, it was the right decision for me. My employer was very supportive and understanding, many of my work colleagues knew my husband well which all helped, plus I needed to be earning again.
We live in a one bedroom bungalow, so no option of any one staying with me, but family and friends rallied around me to make sure I was coping and not on my own to much, and they still do 16 months on.
I’ve never stopped sleeping in our bed, even though it was the last place my husband was before he was taken to hospital where he died four hours later. I need to feel his presence near me everywhere in our home.
I hope you reach the right decision for you.
Thank you for your response. It is such a difficult decision to make. Part of me wants to just stop time and forget about the world, but I know my love wouldn’t want that for me. It’s such a strange thing to say but I’m afraid to sleep in our room? My brother spends a few nights a week with me but he has his own life also… I know it’s such early days but the thought of my future without him is just so upsetting… Maybe a few days working will give me some respite from all this pain… sending you love x❤️
I remember that feeling well, it would be so easy to shut ourselves off from the world. But your right our husbands wouldn’t want us to do that. X
I focus fully on work for the 4 hours I’m there, then do my crying as soon as I’ve left.