Going backwards again …..

17months tomorrow since I lost my Rob and some days I do kind of ok in the fact there’s not tears and I have a productive day and other days are the complete opposite.
These past few days and been a mix of emotions but mostly on the negative side and I feel as if have taken a giant leap backwards .
I try to keep myself busy but ya just can’t keep going all day long and the minute is sit down for a drink wham!!! Thoughts spinning around my head .
I can’t go to bed until I’m absolutely shattered otherwise I never get to sleep.
Then there’s playing this game with friends and family that your ok and dealing with things and doing your level best not to breakdown in front of them .
Oh well onwards and upwards I suppose


Hi Kazzar, I so understand how you feel, I have a friend who keeps saying to me, ‘ I’m really proud of how well you are coping’ I wasn’t coping at all, it was the front I put on in front of people, because it’s what people expect, it’s 10 years now and it has got easier, but that’s because I’ve learnt how to live with loss of my husband, I still miss him every day, sending love Jude xxx


Hi Kazzer & Jude28, I lost my husband 19 months ago this week and feel exactly the same. People tell me how well I have coped with my loss. It is a front, behind a painted smile. My first thought every morning is he has gone.

I tend to have bad periods when in the house for a couple of days alone. I keep busy but my thoughts are about my husband, our life together and all I have missed. I do look at our friends and think how lucky they are. I still struggle with his loss.

I now read my kindle when alone having a meal. I knit when watching the TV and do word searches and puzzles when I know my mind will start working overtime. I do them in bed at night too as I get phases when I struggle to sleep.

I did have the counselling which was good but last week we had the Inquest, at long last, and that has brought a lot back.

So we carry on what else can we do? Am so grateful for family and friends who think I have done great!!!

Hugs to both of you.