Over the past two years of being on my own has been a right roller coaster ride . In the beginning me head was a shed and I didn’t have a clue how I was going to survive and there were days when I didn’t want to survive. Then getting off that dark road I began to feel not better but as if I had some kind of control over my life and my emotions . Today I feel as if Iv gone right the way back don’t want to do anything, don’t want to do the house work , feel hungry but can’t eat I’m having to force myself little and often. I potter about a bit and sit a lot . I have such good intentions but they all soon go to pot .
I absolutely HATE this life, this ride, journey ,road whatever you want to call it . Never in a million years did I think my life would come to this at such an early age and so sudden
Firstly, a big hug Kazzer with strength & positive vibes coming your way. In January 2019, I posted very similar to you today. That was @ just over 2 years of ‘life’ without my beautiful husband. This was a message I received.
:.Progress on bereavement isn’t a straight line. You think it will be… you fervently hope it will be… a nice progressive linear graph… because that means just time will solve the way you feel.
Unfortunately … the progress graph often looks more like the random scribblings of a three year old in wax crayon.
We make adjustments, we get stronger then something blindsides us and we feel like we’re back to square one. We’re not. We still have the progress we had made… and tomorrow is another day.:
I’m at five years of loss now. Whatever happens today, happens. If I get a chance to improve on it tomorrow, so be it. Hold on tight Kazzer, deep breath and pencil something in for tomorrow…be kind to yourself…dance in the rain 
xx
Kazzer you are not on your own. I thought it was just me feeling like that. Like you I potter about and sit a lot. I don’t want to go out but at the same time I don’t want to stay in. I either can’t eat anything or stuff myself with rubbish. Some days are better than others, but just when I think I’m on the right road I go back to square one.
This community is a real help though because it helps to know that people on here are experiencing the same things and understand. Friend’s and family are brilliant but sometimes you just need to get things off your chest to stranger’s who understand what you are going through and give you support.