Going down

Three months in…all been hard …but the last week I have gone really towards the floor…it’s getting harder. I am having councelling…it’s useful but I’m unsure how it will get me where I allegedly need to be…I’m trying hard…I can’t see where to go…the hole that is left cannot be filled…feel like I’m disolving…:sleepy:

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Dear @UnityMan

I am sorry to hear of the loss of your wife. Grief has no time limit and it is a journey to be taken at your pace. You are still in the early stages of grief and there will be good days and bad days with the rollercoaster ride of emotions that go with bereavement. All of which is normal.

Have you seen the blog by Sue Ryder Losing a Partner , it may be of help to you along with the following resources. The Grief Coach may especially be of help to you.

  • The self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief Grief Guide
  • Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS. This service is also useful for family and friends
  • Information on the Stages of Grief
  • Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through

There is an organisation called The Silver Line which is a helpline for anyone aged 55 and over. They provide friendship, conversation and support 24 hours a day 7 days a week. The number is 0800 4 70 80 90 and it is free.

This may be of help to you and sometimes it helps to talk to people outside of friends and family. This organisation is amazing, and it would be worth you looking at the website.

You need to take one day at a time and be gentle with yourself. We the Community are here for you, you are not alone, we understand the pain of losing a loved one. Keep talking to us here. Take care of yourself.

Peppers

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@UnityMan I’m so sorry to hear of the loss of your beloved wife.
My partner died unexpectedly 12 weeks ago today on 20 January 2023.
I’m finding life much more and painful now. I was so shocked and numb for the first 4 weeks I couldn’t even cry. I think the tough time we’re having is because we’re only now starting to experience the grief.
I’m just trying to take 1 day at a time; sometimes just 1 hour at a time.
I’m going for counselling too and although it really hurts talking about how I’m feeling it does help and is healing.
Take great care of yourself. You’re not alone. This community is full of people who truly understand what you’re going through. Please reach out for help from us. We’re here to listen.

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Bless you unityman. Im so feeling your pain. You dont ‘allegedly’ have to be anywhere my lovely. Grief is a complex process and you process it at your own pace. There is so much formality to deal with immediately after losing our soul mate that, that it feels our need to grieve is pushed aside. Then suddenly, we are left with a gaping void that nothing or anybody can fill. Its truly heartbreaking. Have never known a pain so unbearable. You’re not going down lovely. You are in the deep vortex of grief. People who say it gets easier to bear weren’t married to our partners so while that might be the case for them, not everybody, like us, has better days. The only thing that is keeping strong right now is being thankful that i didnt pass before my wonderful, brave husband. Because I would have hated for him to experience this torment and pain, this turmoil of grief. Keep reaching out unityman, let the grief flow, dont fight it, and please be gentle on yourself. Take one moment at a time. Sending love and healing thoughts intonyour heart xx

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Thank you for your words…I also would have hated my wife to have gone through this torture…and I agree that unless you experience this you can have no idea what it is like…:heavy_heart_exclamation:

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Hello UnityMan
I’m sorry to say that three months is no time to have been grieving. I don’t like saying this on the forum in case it upsets some people that are in their early stages of loss and want the pain and misery to come to an end. I don’t want to depress anyone but I’m afraid that it does take time and there is no time limit to how long we struggle with losing them. Mostly we do learn to pick up the pieces of a life and cope with the loss but I often wonder myself if the ups and downs ever really go away.
I am now nearly four years on. I fortunately am active and have a busy life. I keep mobile with my interests, have adapted to living alone and quite like it, and I can laugh and enjoy time with family and friends but the loss is still a big part of my life. I can still cry, I can still long for him to be with me. I was normally a strong person and both my husband and I thought I would be able to cope and I suppose I have to a point. However at the three month stage I don’t think I knew what day it was. I knew I was going to lose him and gave myself six months and then thought I would be able to go on as normal. How wrong was I. I found life came to me and I fitted in where I could cope. Don’t even look at where to go, just move with each day. I found it helpful to write down everything I did each day no matter how insignificant just to prove I was doing something.
Pat
xx

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Thank you Pat. I have actually started to keep a daily journal to reflect on how I’m actually feeling as time goes on…I know this is going to be a long journey wherever it leads. After 50 together it’s so hard to focus on anything X

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Well done. You are making a positive move to record your movements because it does become hard to remember what has happened from one day to another. A lifetime together can’t be pushed to one side in a moment and loving and sharing with them has become a way of life for us. Then it is all taken away and were left floundering with the shock and trauma.
I did find that I started to not fear the tears. My husband was worth all of them and sometimes they are a relief. We then have to take tiny steps towards a new life or at least some acceptance.
How I can remember those first months and what a mess I was.
Take care
Pat
xx

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I,m 3 months in as well unity man.i can totally understand where you are coming from. I talk to sues photos about the day at night .same in the morning as its a big help to me especially when I can’t face doing anything .i can hear sue saying come on don’t you give up you made me a promise to carry on being the person i made you into and i,m holding you to it

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Yes…I can hear my Sandie telling me off all the time…that she’s not coming back and I need to deal with it…:roll_eyes:

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@Martyn2 I really feel for you mate and I’m so sorry you find yourself in this club which nobody wants to be a member of.

We are all here because we have lost a loved one and are here to support one another through our grief.

Take care mate

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Thank you andy .

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