Going home for the first time since he died

OK… It’s today. The day I travel to France, to our home in the mountains. We left in September 2020, before T got ill. The house is as we left it. This place is home. Behind the door, our life as it was. I am dreading it, to be honest. Grief will come for me there. Until now, I have been wading through problems and stress, not yet grieving for him.

The taxi to spirit me away to the airport is here.

Anyone else had this kind of thing happen? I will post when I get there, if I can. Stay well, everyone and thank you for your support. xx


Dear @Vancouver

I am sorry to hear of the loss of your husband. I do hope you travel safe.

It will be hard stepping through the door of your home but your husband will be in your heart along with the memories you made together in your home.

You are not alone. We are here for you. Please take care of yourself.


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Hi Vancouver,
I wish you safe travels, happy memories and the continuing courage to face the home you are going to. I hope that it doesn’t cause you too much pain to revisit it and that you will keep in touch so that we can support you from here. x


Hi @Vancouver
Me & my husband Derek have a holiday home in Spain, the last time we went together was October 2019. He stayed a bit longer than me as I had to go back to work & he got the apartment ready for Christmas putting decorations out. Even typing this makes me cry :cry: we had no idea what was to come.
He passed away just before Christmas 2019. I had to go over to Spain to sort things out, I knew that I’d walk into it just as he left it. My sister came with me as I couldn’t do it alone the first time. It was heartbreaking but I felt comfort as well as it was a dream we had managed to live together for a few years. So glad we didn’t wait for retirement.
We were due to retire there in March 2020, Derek took early retirement in 2014 at 54, I was due in 2020. Had to wait until we sold our house. Obviously that didn’t happen, I’ve still got the apartment as I really feel him there but I couldn’t live there full time on my own. The first trip on my own was tough as quite often Derek would meet me off the bus if he’d gone out first, the excitement I used to feel seeing him waiting & I the heartbreak I felt him not being there was a physical pain. It took all my strength to get off the bus & walk in alone.
I really feel for you & I’m sending you love & strength.
Jo :heart:

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@Jodel712 - thank you for writing. It is so similar for me. I arrived at Geneva and as the shuttle bus was pulling out, I suddenly felt Tom’s presence really clearly. It was very strange. As we climbed and climbed towards the village where our apartment is, this feeling got stronger. I came into the apartment and had a few tears - but it was ok. Even was able to head to the shops to get some supplies. And I felt relief and joy to be here - and I think he is around here in a way that he is not back home in England. He loved these mountains, this place. So it makes sense. I can breathe again. Anyone dreading a first like this, my experience has been positive. Good luck everyone, stay well.


Thank you, @Daisyrose - this message means so much. I made it here, “up the hill” as the ski crowd says. I feel his presence really keenly here - it is so special, such a relief. Like I am no longer on high alert or afraid. It is early days - but so far, so good xx

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Hi @Vancouver. I’m so glad to hear that you have gotten over the first major hurdle so well, it must have taken a lot of courage to go over threshold but you’ve done it and without trying to sound patronising…well done you!
I hope the rest of your visit goes as well but remember we are all here for you and want to know how you are doing. Fingers and toes are all crossed here. x


Pleased to hear your trip so far has gone ok. I can imagine how nervous you must have felt.
Well done you xx

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Thank you, @Barbara61 - I really appreciate your message. Heavy snow here today - which is great x


I’m so glad you had such a positive experience. Keep posting x