Going it alone

Graham died three and a half months ago. I try to cope but am in limbo. People tell me to move on and I don’t know how to and it’s just to much.
The current situation has shut the world down. I am retired and am not a natural mixer in large groups of people.
The good times have gone for me. I read in this site all the happy memories people have and I can’t bring myself to think about them.

Pam, you’ll never be able to move on, how can anyone expect that. To lose your closet person in your life is the most traumatic thing we will ever experience. I’ve been told that too and I’m just expected to ‘get on with it’ it’s so upsetting, my husband Tim will always be part of me and I will never stop talking about him, talk about your husband on here, you will find in time you’ll be able to talk about your happy times. I have a bit , but not too much yet as it’s too painful.
In this lockdown everyone’s feeling a million times worse, share your feelings , it will lift you a tiny bit, to have contact with people in the same boat.
Take care
Steph x

Hi,

I never realised how awful grief was until I lost my husband, it’s shattering & so shocking.

It’s nearly a year on & I still can’t believe it’s happened, I feel all sorts of different emotions up & down & all over the place, I feel I’m coming to terms with it but then for some reason go down again.

I feel angry that others have there partners & I don’t, if I see a couple I feel resentful.

I try to feel glad that I had him for the time I did & that he is now out of pain & away from hurt.

On a positive note I have been able to sit in the garden in the last few days which is something that was gut wrenching last year & I couldn’t do it.

I try & think this is just a temporary parting & I will see him again & he will be with me when I die.

Hello,
No matter where you go or what you do, your husband will be with you, I lost my Pete just 7 wks ago, I’ve experienced grief from a young age, 9 when I lost my older sister, and many other family members, but I’ll be honest this is living hell, but I know he’s watching me and begging me not to cry, he hates my in tears. God bless

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Who are these people who tell us to “move on”? They are either very stupid or very lucky that they haven’t experienced the loss of someone very dear to them.
When you lose a partner, your life is changed forever. “Moving on” is not an appropriate term for what you have to do. You have to learn how to live a different life, and that will take time. Three and a half months is no time at all to even get used to the idea.
You will learn to cope with your new life, but do it at your pace, not that of others.
And don’t write off the future - you don’t know what might happen.

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