My husband died in February and although I’m trying to take each day at a time the tears never stop.
I’ve been food shopping online but decided to take the first step of actually going to the supermarket. However I had a meltdown at the checkout when the kind lady asked if I was okay.
I felt stupid and couldn’t get out quick enough. This has really put me off going put on my own. Im tired of crying Im tired of being miserable I hate the person I am at the moment and just want everything to be okay again.
Hello, you are in the very early days, I remember my first visit to the Supermarket, I ended up down an aisle where there were my favourite foods, it was like an electric shock, I just left my trolley in the middle of the aisle & left the store.
I travelled further & started going to a supermarket that I hadn’t used before hence no memories.
Things will get better but it will take time to come to terms with what’s happened.
Hi. Im four months into this nightmare of my Husband of 55years just not waking up on boxing day. Like you ,I am so fed up of myself. Last week I seemed to feel a little calmer but these last few days its come back with a bang. Dont know what to do with myself. The weekends are dreadful,my family plan things to do but I just dont feel up to it. Just slap a smile on my face! Just wish for some peace.
Hi, I think we all have had melt downs when shopping. 14 months in I sometimes still get a wet face looking at the puddings. Sue liked her treats.
I had lost that much weight one day, my wedding ring fell off my finger, in the supermarket. I didn’t know till I got outside. Then there was a mad man running around the supermarket looking for his ring, in tears. Luckily I found it next on the floor next to the puddings. I think she was try to tell me something as I had not bought a pudding since before she went ahead. I got the ring resized. So don’t feel bad, I am afraid its part of the crap path we are now on.
Hi J9, I think it’s a good thing to try and get out. If you take small steps, make a list of easy things to do and then check them off. It builds confidence and makes your mind think you are achieving your goals. When I had to explain to someone that my wife had died I would start crying and no words would come out. I would be walking around with my dogs and just thinking someone might ask me where my wife is would set me off but bit by bit you become used to speaking about your loved one and it’s good to be able to do so. I really hope you find a little more comfort and the strength you need to cope.
Thinking of you and wishing you all the best
Tom
I went to the supermarket and got to the checkout and couldn’t get all my shopping out the trolley. I came over all giddy. I said I am sorry I must sit down. I am going to faint. Luckily there was a seat and cafe in there. They got someone to help me and gave me water and cup of tea and toast. Said take as long as you like. We have scanned your shopping and put it in cool room because of frozen stuff. I paid later. When I got home of course ice creams soggy so refroze them. I realised that I had expected too much of myself. My husband and I used to go together. I was all confused trying to find things. I had to go there to get bedding plants. It is three and half years since he died but still gets me in a whirl. He used to do all the shopping as he enjoyed it. I never have. But he used to buy way too much. I had to run the stocks down after he died. I couldn’t waste all that. Prices went sky high. Took me ages to realise I did not need to get a lot of stuff. I feel so emotional and stressed.
I am also thinking about getting a dog. However, I need to work 2 days a week, so would need a co-owner or dog sitter. Is there anyone out there with the same dilemma? At this moment I think a dog would really help with loneliness. But dogs are not always welcome in many places. How do you dog owners get around that?
Hi Enorac, I’m so sorry to hear about your situation. It must be difficult for you, I’ve never been one for shopping even though I would go with my wife. She could spend ages looking around for things, I never understood the attraction. Mind you I would love to go shopping with her again. If only it were possible. I really hope you feel a little better this afternoon. Wishing you a peaceful weekend
All the best
Tom
Hi Redveg, I really don’t what to tell you about the dogs when my wife and I worked we would leave them at home as we were working in the same street and we would only leave them on their own for five hours it wasn’t a problem. Where I live now the neighbours who have three big dogs often ask me to let the dogs in or out depending on the weather etc. As for taking the dogs to places it is difficult and my two are terrible in the car, more than half an hour and it’s not fun. So normally they stay at home.
Wishing you a lovely weekend
Tom
I lost my old pet cat two years to the day my husband died and that was 18 months ago petless. My cat had dementia and would be really difficult to cope with but she died naturally at 13.5 years.
I miss her obviously recalling when she was ok as she was very loving after my husband died.
I know a cat isn’t the same as a pet dog but similar reason wanting company. I had to look after my son’s dog when he went on holiday even though his dog was too much for me. So I had my other son come to stay with me to walk her. I took her in the garden daily to play ball with her as she is only a young dog. However, my neighbour complained when she was in the garden and barking on one occasion. It did not happen again because I ewas mindful of it. It is likely to occur again that the dog will be left here. I have mixed feelings. The dog was loving and liked to sit with me. I can’t say I warmed to her in the same way. More I felt sorry for her. I like either small fluffy dogs like I once fostered a peekinese and minded a labrador for a neighbour who used to work. Both worked very well. The small dog used to come for a ride either in my bicycle basket, buggy or car. He used to run home but refused to walk out. The labrador was lovely. I used to go for a walk and she never ran off always well behaved. Loved sitting indoors with me instead of being left. I wish I could share care of a neighbour’s dog but these days professional dog walkers usually do it. I once was taken unfair advantage of by my neighbour who would ask me to walk her dog at her convenience when she went on holiday but she never returned the favour and vcare for my cat when I went on holiday. I am not as fit as when I was younger but l do like animals.
Hi Enorac, young dogs also have a lot of work, they have to be house trained and they need a lot of exercise. We always had poodles before which were lovely things the last one we had was called Brandon and he would spend hours hugging my wife. The dogs I have now were from the dog pound. They are already quite old. Have you ever thought about getting an older dog that is house trained and not so active. There are so many abandoned dogs it’s so sad really.
Me and my husband used to food shop every week. Still, going to the store (2 yrs plus) I have a hard time. I still see him coming down the aisle, looking for me. “Where were you”? he’d ask if we got separated. He liked to browse, but I liked to shop and go home.
Food shopping is still a trial for me. It always will be, but I like having routines. Makes me feel “safer.”
Hi Nancy, my wife was like your husband loved browsing. She could spend ages looking around, I never understood why things rarely change that much. Anyway she enjoyed it so who cares.
Wishing you all the best
Tom
Hello, my husband loved garage sales and flea markets. He could browse endlessly, I took joy in his excitement. I’d have to say sometimes “ we don’t need that”. It’s been one year two days ago he passed. Honestly I can’t say where the time went, most of it a fog. I miss him beyond measure as all of us here are missing our soulmates. Try so hard to be upbeat, just feels pointless mostly. Our two adult sons have been a blessing for sure, they miss their dad so much, 35 and 43. Too young to lose their father. It’s so life changing, I understand it’s the nature of human existence, but why. Too heartbreaking! Take care everyone, my thoughts are with all of us lonely hearted
I have agreed to let my youngest son move into my house with his family. A decision I have contemplated over and over, felt I had received a sign from my husband that this is the right thing to do. My son’s partner has two teenage children, boy and girl. They together have my 2 year old grandson. I have a room in my house downstairs where my mother-in-law lived when my husband and I moved into this house 35 years ago. It’s his childhood home. I’m trying to weigh the pros and cons. They currently live in a small apartment which the rent is atrocious here in California USA. I still have a mortgage, we would be helping each other out financially. I’m a solitary person, my darling husband was the outgoing one, so this is going to be life altering for me on top of the tremendous grief and life change I’m dealing with. I bought paint and spackle to fix up the room, but I can’t get motivated to begin. My husband and I did all home improvements together as a team. He was a wonderful handyman, nothing he couldn’t do. I’ve never painted without his help, I’m having a very hard time getting the motivation and energy. I’ll be scarifying a lot, but my little darling grandson would get his own room, no longer have to share with his parents. I’ll lose my craft/sewing room which I just organized recently, although since my Danny passed I haven’t done any sewing. I can’t concentrate or follow directions, widow brain is a big upsetting issue for me. Anyways, thanks for listening
Hi Gumby, I hope everything works out well for you. In some ways I imagine you are looking forward to the company and in others worried about having your own space. I think it could work well especially if you have talked through your worries with them. Wishing you all the best
Tom
Hi Brandon, yes we have been discussing my concerns and they are acknowledged. My older son and his wife took me to dinner last night, everyone thinks it’s a good idea. I’m going to be 69 in June, the help with the house and garden maintenance are welcomed. My husband loved his garden sanctuary which I’ve been working on to maintain. Think positive I keep telling myself. Pay it forward, as we moved here to help my mother a widow too and handicapped from a horrific car accident in 1979 which took my husbands fathers life when he was only 27. I’m grateful for all I have, I truly am. Just miss my husband so much, my teammate, safe place, love of my life.
