Going through her things

When my sister died suddenly in march, i promised my brother in law id help him go through some of her things.

My sister and i were both crafters. Crochet, papercraft and jewellery making. She had dabbled in some other things i hadnt but those were the main three. Ive been in their house for almost two weeks now - i originally said it was likely walking into hobbycraft, it isnt, its like walking into a crafting warehouse. She had stuff stashed in ways you wouldnt think possible if you saw them out of cupboards.

There have been some teary moments but this last couple of days have been hard

Im working on her jewellery making stuff. My brother in law has someone whos going to hopefully come and buy some of it but he was very clear that i got first refusal on anything i wanted.

Heres the problem. Going through her mounds of beads and wire and findings, im finding myself feeling extremely guilty for taking any of it. Shes not here, she cant use it. But i feel bad going through all the stuff and taking it. It feels somehow really inappropriate,
like Im taking advantage of her being gone and just grabbing what i can .

I know it makes no logical sense. My brother in law said numerous times he knows my sister would rather it went to me than to someone she doesnt know because she knows how much joy i get from it. But im just torn between feeling guilty that im taking stuff and angry that she didnt get the chance to use it all herself.

I hate this. She should be here. At the risk of sounding like a toddler having a tantrum, its not fair.


So hard I know. I’m so sorry to hear about your sister. I too have a sister who i love dearly and is my best friend. Please use her crafting stuff - I’m sure there is no-one in this world she would rather have it than you. I know my sister would. She would be proud that her skills can carry on in you and you could produce something beautiful thinking of her while you are making it. Make something for her husband and give it to him with your love and hers. Best wishes and bless you.


Thanks for taking the time to reply. I love jewellery stuff and so its been a weird time, flitting between feeling like a magpie when im going through the beads and going “ooh shiny” and incredibly guilty.

My brother in law found a ring my sister had bought and hidden away as a christmas present for me for this coming christmas (see the picture) but he didnt know it was there so by the time hed taken it out id already seen it. So i got it yesterday.

I never thought of making something for him, thats a good idea, thank you!

First of all I’m sorry for your loss. Going through any loved one’s personal belongings is not an easy thing to do and very daunting. It’s bound to evoke so many emotions. I didn’t have to clear dads stuff as he had a partner but I lost mum in June and I’m not ready to do that just yet. I do remember receiving a box from dads which included his beloved tools and for a long time it stayed boxed but now I love using his tools for a bit of DIY and imagine him shaking his head at my attempts. There is no timeline to use your beloved sisters crafts just know that maybe one day you’ll be ready to :heart:


Hi vivmt - im a bit new to using the forum so am not sure how to view the picture of the ring. What a lovely kind person your sister was to do that for you.

@Erindoors yeah so i forgot to actually attach the photo and then fell asleep trying to edit it. Sorry! Ive attached it now.

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@Charlotte74 one of the boxes i found was a box of my dads things, paperwork etc, that my sister was going to deal with and she obviously couldnt face it so shoved them in a box 8 years ago and thats become another job to do in october holidays.
I left a bag from my dads flat in my car boot for a year before it got in my flat.

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I’m sorry you have more to deal with :smiling_face_with_tear: sending love

Thats a beautiful ring. How lovely. A real memory to keep.