Going through the motions

Am a lone in feeling l am going through the motions, such a large part of me died when my husband did, I’ve made a new if solo life and am lucky. But it all seems so useless. I’ve joined groups, moved, and made a new life, but feel as though I’m playing a game of “normality” when if honest inside I’m falling apart. Still struggle every day and most times need to calm myself before l start my day.
People assume after all this time l should be “fine” over it and moving on. If honest so did l. I can’t spend longer than a couple of hours in any ones company, could have and did spend 24/7 with my husband. Have met other men, they fail in comparison to him, but l know l still have so much to give, and it saddens me that there is no one to give it too. Wonder if loving someone so much for so long was the best way, now would love some peace and some one to say “how was your day” or just companionable silence with someone special.

So sorry for your loss your on my thoughts take care of yourself as much as possible Adele x

I think each new day is like a blank canvas and that, in theory, we have the chance of a fresh start. So much for theory. I suppose we all aspire to finding meaning in our lives and I think I’m realising how much my wife contributed to that. Looking back I don’t think we were fixed in one particular phase of “normality”. I don’t like the word normality and probably feel that the idea of our own “reality” is better. It’s unique to us and it changes constantly and helps to shape our thinking. Like you I’ve joined groups, and rejoined ones I was in before my wife’s illness. I look for meaning in things but often can’t find it. Is it there and I can’t see it. Has my changed life meant that my perception has changed.
I don’t think we’ll ever be fine or better but we might get better at pretending, and maybe even coping. Some of us may get past coping to managing. I think I could cope with all I have to encounter even had we just had a fraction of the time together.
I feel I have still much to give and try to channel it in different ways. I couldn’t even begin to make comparisons between my wife and other women. I wouldn’t know how to start. I’m not saying I couldn’t do that it’s just that I wouldn’t know how to start. I do believe we should never say never, and I’m very open minded. Maybe we just know when it’s the right time for us.

Your certainly not alone in feeling as though you are just going through the motions.
I don’t think there is a normality, I join groups, fill my time but there is always something missing.
There was an article I read once, that grief is like having and touching a large stone in your pocket, each time you get it out and touch it, feel the pangs of grief, it gradually seems a little smaller until one day it feels like a tiny pebble no longer a large stone.
This gives me hope that one day I will be ready to move on.
Not when someone thinks I should but when I feel it is right.
This probably doesn’t make much sense but today has been a difficult day!

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Sorry to hear your day has been difficult I hope tomorrow is kinder to you and us all in my thoughts Adele x

Thank you Adele, so many of us on here trying to find ways of getting through each day of grief. x

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Thankyou for your kind words means alot take care of yourself as much as possible Adele x

Hi. Adele. Did you go to the doctors yesterday? If so how was it? I don’t want to intrude so you don’t have to answer. Best wishes.

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Hi Jonathan thankyou I appreciate it im there at three thirty this afternoon I’ll let you know thankyou again I hope today is kinder to you and everyone else too take care speak later x

Hi Jonathan I did attend my appointment yes was told to take some antidepressants and look at those dose in a couple of weeks but I kindly said no asked about my refferal to cruse bereavement was told to call them directly I did last week I was told about eight weeks so I cried my way home in the rain the doctor did say call Samaritans in the mean whilst i wait to be honest I wish I never went it’s a bad day to start with as you know my Edward fell asleep in my arms six months and two weeks exactly today take care in my thoughts Adele x

Thank you all for your kind thoughts, it is indeed the hardest road I have travelled, today will stay at home, breathe through the anxiety, enjoy my garden, four legged friend and Classic fm. Ade, I haven’t talked with you, and this may be presumptuous, regarding AD, never took tablets before Jack died, really anti, but for me AD have helped, and so does guided meditation. There is no magic wand, l wish, but l now do what gets me through the day.
I send you all much love and thoughts. :heart:

Hi there thankyou for your kind words means alot I really appreciate it me too every is getting worse by the second anxiety attacks are overwhelming I just want my soulmate back in my arms im utterly truamatised witnesing it all happen in front of my eyes im waiting for cruse bereavement but frankly I don’t see anything someone could say or do will dampen the sorrow Ive been dealt with in the most horrendous terrifying loss I am sorry for your loss it’s heartbreaking I hope you find some comfort in your garden I just want to stay in bed nor open the blinds can’t face it it’s will be six months and three weeks on Wednesday coming since my soulmate fell asleep in my arms im destroyed mentally and physically thankyou for your suggestion about the AD I will keep it in mind enjoy the sun I hope today is kinder to you and everyone else too take care of yourself as much as possible in my thoughts Adele x

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