hi all my story starts many years ago, my father in law was a very sensible man. he had a head on crash and was very poorly, we were called to the hospital three times and told he would not make it. he did later when i was talking to him he said “three times i could have gone " what do you mean i said " well he said a bright light comes on and you can go or choose to stay” now i dont really believe in all that but.
three months ago my wife had been in hospital only 7 days, i used to go around 12.00 lunch time and stay till 6.00.
at six the night she died having talked to her doctor and being told she was ill but on the mend i said i was off, she begged me to stay and kept asking me to take her home, i managed to calm her and stayed until 8.00 visiting time ended and she started again begging me not to go, again i calmed her and to my shame went home, somehow i knew some thing was wrong and phoned the hospital and they said she was calm. i got the call a few hours later. my pain is if i had stayed and held her hand all night, would she have resisted the light and not given up.
i believe its my fault, i should have stayed, i will always blame myself and always will. she was in a side ward and when i got to the hospital 10 min away she was already coldish so i wonder when she gave up on me. 46 years together and i failed her
I am so sorry for your loss.
Please never ever blame yourself, you comforted her as far and as much as you could. She needed to do the rest on her own. She is at peace now, a peace you too will come to know someday. We all will. In this moment, just nurture you. Love yourself as much as you loved and adored her. It’s what she would want most, 46 years by her side with love. That’s the greatest commitment a man could ever give a women he loves. You did your part, and she knows 
then why does it not seem so
Because you’re feeling the weight of your grief, desperately searching for answers. And that’s ok, but It’s not your fault- no one is to blame. I know that right now my words won’t bring the comfort you seek, but if anything, I just want you to know that you did right by your wife. There are just some things in life that we have to do alone. You settled her spirit, she took that with her. You reminded her of your profound and unconditional love for her till the very end, that will always be enough. You supported her in her distress, gave her the courage and strength she needed to cross over. That is the greatest gift anyone can give another being, Love. Hold on to that
