I know many of us on here say we have good and bad days, but just wanted to go further in detail to maybe help those who are struggling. I’m at the 5 month mark of losing my mum (my world every single day for 41 years) & this is where I am:
My “good days” may just be a sudden feeling I have where I feel like I can carry on, feel hope, and even achieve something new. Maybe I can hold mum’s things, smell her clothes, and smile at her photos, feeling warmth and love. This can be momentarily or last a couple of hours. It does not last all day. The positive, moving on feeling subsides into meh and I have a gentle rollercoaster of ups and downs where nothing is great, nothing is bad. I have moments of acceptance, but feeling the less positive side of neutral is how my “good days” are.
I know you don’t need an explanation of bad days. Just briefly, they either start upon waking with that dreadful realisation of “oh… it did happen… I’m living my nightmare” and that feeling lasts all day. Or at the end of a day I’ve managed to keep busy, the dust settles, and that feeling creeps in and consumes me. Haunting images creep in to my mind, the “what ifs”, the guilt, all the bad stuff. It leaves me shutting out the world and waiting for the feelings to subside.
I think this is my new reality and it’s one I must learn to live with. They say you have to grow around grief, and boy it’s hard! I just carry on, one hour at a time on the bad days, busy on the good, but always with that enormous hole in my broken heart.
Please feel free to add to this. We can all help each other by letting others know they’re not alone in their feelings. X