So, I lost my dad on Monday. He was a man with a good heart, who often gave more of himself than he had to give. He made mistakes along the way when I was younger and we had a period of not-speaking, something he acknowledged and more than redeemed himself over, especially in these last few years. He was and will be remembered as a good man, with a big heart who was kind to others.
He was very ill a little over a year ago and has been ‘running on fumes’ ever since, not quite managing to get that little bit healthier that might have gotten him back on track, and I believe he just ran out of oomph, as his mind and wit were still very sharp.
The strange thing is, it still feels like something that’s happened to somebody else; like he will text me any minute asking if the new NCIS boxset is out yet, or to tell me to “B.Safe” and while I know he won’t, logically, I still keep wanting to call him to check. It makes no sense at all.
I know that it’s going to take time to process this, and I’m lucky that I have some very supportive people around me, both personally and at work, but i was told that coming on here might be of some help. So here I am.
It sounds like your dad means so much to you, it is so important to have had such a good relationship.
I lost my dad in February very suddenly & I can honestly say that how you are feeling totally makes sense to me.
I expect my dad to text all the time telling me to say “channel 5” knowing that when I change it his favourite film would be on.
I often have to think & stop myself just texting him like I always would when something happens that I know he would like.
I find it really helps to talk about it, I find this site helpful as others have gone through or are going through similar things which not many people I know have.
I am sorry this has happened to you & I do hope you are as well as you can be.
I’m sorry that you lost your dad. With mine, it shouldn’t have been a surprise, given how I’ll and weak he’d been, but it’s always a shock. I hope you are able to find your way forward too. They say time heals, but they don’t say how much…and I don’t think any of us have that much time in the first place.
I lost my dad last February to cancer and although myself and family could see him deteriorating we still didn’t think the passing of him would be so so hard! Nearly 18months on and I’m still struggling to accept that he’s gone. I was a daddy’s girl and when my dad was diagnosed with cancer it hard me quite hard and I made sure I went to hospital appointments scans etc with himself and also my mum. Since my dads passing both myself and my mum have sold up and moved in together and I can see that we’re both struggling although we put on brave faces and I have my toddler daughter to keep me smiling but deep down I just miss my dad so much!! I thought joining this page might help as it’s speaking to someone other than family xx
It’s not about putting on a brave face. If you need to cry, cry. If you need to look at old photos or letters, look at them. Maybe sit down with your daughter and your mother and tell your daughter all about her amazing grandfather. Tell her about how kind he was, how funny, whatever you want to tell her and get your mother involved. You’d be suprised how helpful this will be. Maybe tell her a different thing every night before bed and that way you’ll keep his memory alive and start to feel more positive as you relay how special he was to the next generation.
Hope this helps, if you’d like to chat, you are welcome to message me.
My dad passed away on the 20th of June. Very suddenly and such a shock.
I totally understand what you are saying in your post.
It feels like they will just give you a call, text or rock up in the driveway. But then you know that it won’t happen, ever again. It’s so unbelievably hard having these thoughts. Coming on here made me realise there are so many people going through this also. We are not alone
I am very sorry to hear about your dads passing. I hope you have been able to look after yourself lately and have been having some good days in the mix
I have had some better days; I managed to travel to a few of my favorite places to visit over the last few weeks, which has helped tremendously. Also, I felt a sense of completion after his service and cremation, knowing he was finally away from any pain and suffering. It’s still sad, but there’s no longer anything to worry about, he’s totally at rest.
I’m sorry to hear about your dad’s passing, the shock will pass, but I’m not sure how long the feeling of disbelief in the fact they won’t turn up or call will last as I’m only a few weeks ahead of you and from people I’ve spoken to that are 1 year+ into losing a parent, that feeling seems to linger.
If you’d like to chat, feel free to message; especially if you feel as overwhelmed as I did before the funeral. I’m here if you need to offload.
