Got through Christmas.

I managed to get through Christmas alone, although my son did bring me lunch on the 25th and 26th and stayed for an hour or so. (I didn’t go to his as he has his mother, my ex wife for the last 40 years). His turkey, however, was so dry as to be near inedible. He clearly hadn’t learned from his step mother that the secret to prevent this is lashings of butter under the skin. My major problem is continued tiredness and lack of ability to do minor tasks. I should have started the funeral arrangements last week, but it took until yesterday for me to make the initial moves. I am finding sleep more and more difficult, although i am prescribed 50ml of amitriptyline, not for depression but for severe neck pain. These also act as a soporific and i used to take them night and morning, but have started the whole dose at night. They are helping less and less. Last night I felt so worn out that I came to bed at 9pm. I fell asleep fairly quickly, but as has become the norm I kept waking every couple of hours or so and found it difficult to get back to sleep. I’m loathe to see the doctor as I’m not sure there’s much he can do. Days are not so bad as I can watch light television even if my mind is not fully on it.

Sleep is a difficult one to bring about improvements. It would seem that society generally is sleeping less than was the norm just a century ago. I’ve been a poor sleeper for years and the problem has been exacerbated recently by a painful knee problem and the illness, and then death, of my wife. I’ve read several books on the subject but I can’t say I gained any pearls of wisdom. As I live alone and as I no longer work it’s not impacting on anybody else so I don’t worry about it.
I find that ibuprofen can help sometimes and I also drink Montmorency Cherry Juice each night.
I’m having a new mattress delivered today and I got the information from the label of a mattress I slept on in a holiday let. It was very comfortable and I slept well. I’m hoping I can replicate that at home.
I’m hoping that as I learn more as to how to live with my grief I will gradually sleep better and longer.
One thing I have benefitted from is more exercise and long walks tire me physically which then seems to override the mental side.

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