Struggling after the death of my gran at the end of last year. She went into hospital for a daybed procedure and things went downhill fast. They said she wasn’t fit to come home the same day so she was sent up to a ward to build her strength up. Within a week she developed a little infection and the doctor came round to discuss her becoming a DNR as they said she would be too frail to resuscitate if her heart stopped. They assured us that this didn’t mean they wouldn’t treat her. As time passed she didn’t seem to be getting any better and was becoming more frail everyday. About a week after the DNR conversation they told us she had cancer and unfortunately as she was so frail now there was nothing they could do for her. About a week later the pain got too much for her and she was put on a morphine pump. She died a week later, 4 weeks after she was admitted to hospital.
I’m really struggling with the flashbacks from what happened in the hospital. It’s like they are on a loop in my head almost 24/7. I haven’t even begun to deal with the fact that she’s dead yet. Although I know it’s happened, in my head she is still in her wee house.
I struggle to sleep. I’m off my food. I feel anxious most of the time. I keep thinking what if this happens to someone else in my family.
I miss her