Gran

Coping with bereavement
1

I recently lost my Gran, after a 3 year battle with dementia. The bright, vibrant Gran that I once knew had declined to a little shell of herself, needing constant care. Even though we knew she was going to die it’s still hard to take. I still miss talking to her, her advice and support. It’s been almost a month since she died and I still cry everyday and I wonder if it will ever get any better.

2 Likes
2

Hello Titania

I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about your Gran. It’s normal to still cry and have strong feelings, and know that even when we know our loved one is going to die, that doesn’t make it any easier. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care, Rhi

3

Hi @Titania I lost my Gran 2.5 weeks ago and so I hope I know how you feel. It’s the day after the funeral for me and I feel worse than I did a few days ago. I’m sorry to hear your Gran had dementia. My Gran had heart failure and was in and out of hospital in the last year before a gradual decline. She was so thin at the end not eating, it was awful to watch. I also wanted to be with her when she passed and I wasn’t, I was there the afternoon before and she died that night and I wish I had asked the staff more questions so I was clear on the trajectory.
I’m sorry to hear you are crying each day, if it’s any consolation so am I at the moment. What I find hardest is not seeing her again. I know people say she is with me but I can’t physically see her and chat to her.

2 Likes
4

Thank you for your reply @Ems12345 I’m sorry for your loss too. And yes I understand, knowing I will never see my Grann is really hard to take. I’m trying to concentrate on the positive things like I was lucky to have her as long as I did and what a brilliant gran she was not just to me but my children and my nieces too.

1 Like
5

Hi I lost my nanny in January I no it seems like a long time but I’m lost it was very sudden. But there’s nothing like losing your nanny I can’t accept it. Please message me if you want to talk x

6

I’m exactly the same. She lived a long life and so I feel full of gratitude for 35 years I had with her. If I’m learning anything is that it’s possible to feel like that and feel deeply sad too. It’s not black and white this process. I find when I have moments to myself that are quiet that’s when I feel saddest as I start thinking. I guess it’s getting a balance between grieving and also occupying myself.
Have you found anything that helps you? I am using the headspace app to meditate daily for 10 minutes and that helps.

7

I recently lost my nan on June the 29th I love my nan and terribly miss her I truly know how you feel. My nan died of mouth cancer is spread to her brain and they said she had 4 months to leave she sadly gave up after a month. I did her end of life care and I know how it feels to watch someone slowly fade away and need your help. I feel your pain. I cry still and wonder when it will ever get better. I’m sending hope and hugs to you.

1 Like
8

I feel the same as you the pain is unreal at times when people say she is always with you but she’s not. I know your pain I was with my nan when she died and I tell you it was the hardest thing to go through. Don’t punish yourself because you wasn’t there. It’s the hardest thing to see.

1 Like
9

Thank you @Gemmah I still find myself punishing myself and it’s been a month nearly. People keep telling me to let it go but for some reason I can’t.
I’m so sorry for your loss and what your poor Nan went through. It’s so hard to watch people go down hill like that.
I have been busy at work which keeps me distracted in some ways but then I have these moments where I remember and it’s painful each time. I still feel a bit like my Gran is in her care home and then I remember I can’t go and see her.
Sending love to everyone on here.