It was such a pleasant evening her in Unst, Shetland, last night; gentle breeze and no rain. I drove to the cemetery with my folding chair, hot tea and desire to leave everything and everyone behind me. As soon as I arrived to the cemetery I noticed that whoever had cut the grass had also cut the Daffodils and Bluebells which I planted at Jack’s grave for Jack. New plan emerged: I’ll plant seeds of other flowers. Only Jack and myself were there, looking at the Atlantic, looking at the exact spot where we used to set up a tent when we went on a picnic in Summer time. Alone and lonely, sad and smiling for feeling great sense of relief for being able to simply be. Be with Jack and feel everything and not have to say: I’m OK, talk about the weather and be falsely positive. Walked the hills for couple of hours… I could hear the sea, gentle wind, cheap and lambs, birds and unique silence… So beautiful, alone with Jack and lonely in my search for a sign. A sign of his spirit. In such a search you are alone, believe what you believe and discard the rest… Is this search a sign of insanity or to prevent me from becoming insane … or it is awareness, pure unity with love?
Returned home and in bed I hoped and prayed, like every night, to see Jack… My heart is filled with: joy created by walking in nature, hope as I know well that bedtime is date with Jack, sadness as it is not guaranteed that Jack will turn up… Great sense of gratitude for the blessings in my life. The biggest bless is feeling tremendous love for Jack.
Thank you so much for your inspiring post. There is hope amid all the darkness. It is awareness and pure unity with love. Nothing whatsoever crazy about it. I envy you living in Shetland. It must be an ideal place to be at peace when you wish. Here in the South of England it’s all go go, and it’s often difficult to find a place of peace and quiet where one can be alone with our thoughts.
I believe our loved ones are always with us in spirit if not in form.
‘believe what you believe and discard the rest’. Oh yes, very wise words. We can so easily get caught up in the ideas of others that we lose our own inner sense of reality.
Thank you again. John.
That sounds idyllic or as idyllic as life can be without our loved ones. I agree with John, definitely ‘awareness, pure unity with love.’ Beautifully written. Thank you so much 
Beautifully written and I can so relate to what you say. So many similarities.
I too live on an Island and I can escape to the solitude I crave at times. I can escape to be with nature and all it’s beauty and natural therapy. I walk the hills and woodland and listen to the sea hitting the rocks near my home. I know he is with me when I walk as he promised he would be and I promised that I would carry him on all my walks.
I too arrived where my husbands ashes are scattered in the grave of his grandparents to find that the council had cut down all the spring flowers I had planted and the little rose bush was no more. So I planted yet more. I sit in the cemetery among the tree’s overlooking the river where Brian sailed his boats. I wait for that sign that he is aware of me being there.
Again thankyou for such inspiring words.
xxxx
Absolutely beautiful words. At some point we will take Frankie’s ashes up to Kintyre. A very special place. We got engaged up there. Many amazing holidays. In my opinion the most beautiful place in the world. He will be scattered alongside his dad and grandparents in a stunning location which is very special to the family. I am getting a ring made to keep a small part of his ashes so he is not so far away from me💙
Thank you for such an uplifting post…you have a wonderful way with words…I can almost imagine myself watching the ocean too.
Love never dies and grief only makes love deeper.
Take care…x
Hello your post touched me. When you said you were looking for a sign. I lost my faith when I lost my love . Since he’s been gone I have had some strange experiences all involving animals. We were both wildlife lovers. One example is that I went on holiday and was alone in a dusty sandy beauty spot no other people around. I felt so heartbroken that I cried out his name and said “Where are yiu?” Suddenly a large lizard ran across my feet and into a bush. I followed. When I parted the branches he was sitting there and started to slowly crawl away. There was a flat pure white rock beside my foot. I said out loud Love it you are year make him come back and get on the rock so I can take a picture. This lizard then slowly turned crawled back towards me and got into the rock. It sat there whilst I took a photo . Then it crawled slowly away into the undergrowth. I was in floods of tears. Do you really believe our loved ones are with us? I really want to believe again. Thank you for your lovely post about your beautiful Jack. As I said I want to believe . Wishing you all the best. Your love for your Jack shines so brightly. Xxx
Hi. Bell. I don’t think we can just want to believe because the belief we are talking about comes from the heart not the head. Your experience with the Lizard should not be taken lightly. It happens to so many people many time over. A Lizard would not normally behave that way, so lets assume there is some unknown force guiding it. Many people have such experiences, and like dreams they tend to brush them off as fantasy. Dreams are never ‘only dreams’. Something reaches into that unconscious part of the mind, the part we have no conscious control over, and sends us messages we could not otherwise see.
So could our loved ones communicate in that way? I think they do. I have never doubted my wife is still around. So many unexplained things happen. We don’t ‘have to believe’ if it goes against our personal beliefs. Like bereavement, it has to be a very personal experience. Your love will always make it happen. Take care. John.
John really appreciate your words and I do hope my love is still there. I find my feelings strange because up until this I always had belief I lost my parents early in life and later my aunt and uncle and that was the last of my family. I must say it seems to make more sense that this is not the only existence otherwise what is the point. I am just trying to recapture all the magic that I once had. Thank you all for listening and may we all find comfort and hope.
Yes. love, the universal panacea. Water is the universal solvent. It washes things away, makes things clean. So does love. It can wash away pain and give us the space we so need to reason things out. ‘The magic you once had’. Now that’s good, to aspire to that level is mentally good, but take it easy, let more time pass. Try not to be impatient with time. Yes, what is the point? But it maybe the question is ‘what is the point for ME!’ Such experiences we have can be powerful teaching experiences. We may have emotions and experiences we never thought possible.
Some people find they develop a psychic ability. They see and hear things they have not experienced before. It’s often dismissed as ‘fantasy’ but it can be so much more than that. The awful pain of bereavement can open our minds to further revelations, and it’s not so much a case of believing but to allow our minds to be open. To not dismiss strange happenings out of hand as ‘rubbish’, but to contemplate on them.
Take care. You are doing well. John.
Hi Bell. I can say: yes, I do believe. It is not a religious or faith related belief. It is about experiencing and letting go of our old desires and beliefs. Bereavement and loss create emotional pain. Also, through self-inquiry and by being honest with ourselves, we become increasingly conscious and happy, we require neither attention nor approval. The bond with our loved ones and how this contribute to our own sense of self and identity will evolve and transcend into pure love. I let go of doubting myself whenever I had a dream visit or out-of-body experience; which allowed me to meet with Jack after the physical death of his body. Now, I trust my experiences and I try to understand them so they become more positive for Jack and myself. I’ve experienced things with Jack when he’s dying and I believe I received signals from him after his transition to his new life. I’m happy for him as he’s much happier where he is now and healthier. Embrace your experiences, own them and don’t doubt them. I agree with John entirely; we must allow our minds to be open. The origin of pain is resistance and peace is the opposite to that. I hope we, as a society and communities, talk more about these experiences so death will become not so scary and emotionally painful for the dying and bereaved, and may be it will become something we look forward to if we learn how to live well and die well. I miss Jack every minute. However, I am grateful for the grief journey; which I’m still experiencing, for allowing me in to a different level of knowing and peace. Embrace your experiences Bell, and be grateful for them, they’re presents from a loving heart. I’m happy for you every time you get a sign and I hope you receive more; which are likely will make you cry and hopefully smile and laugh too!
Nature is life’s true healer. To feel at one with nature and truly at peace if even for a while is something that not all people experience but, it’s one of the best feelings in the world. All we need to experience this is to be truly aware of our surroundings, the sights, sounds and smells of nature and just how it enriches our life in a positive way.
We never walk this Earth alone, those that have gone before us are always with us in some way even if it’s only a memory or a little shiver down the spine.
Walk in peace my friend and Blessed Be.
What lovely words from you all 
Corinna xx
Your post created a feeling of serenity,i loved it Thank you x
How have you been robina? What a delight to hear from you 
Hello Kate
Ive logged in now and again on the site to read how people are managing,and still take some comfort from reading the posts.I have recently moved home,i stayed in the same local area though,just not brave enough to move very far.
.Hope you are well and coping in these strange times we are experiencing at the moment.xx
It’s a strange world for sure and our lives are very different robina. I hope you’ve settled into your new home. You take care. Sending love. xx
So beautiful, thank you for sharing such a personal experience 
Hi Ashtree’s
Thank you I do so enjoy reading your words and I agree wholeheartedly. I like that. ‘Nature is life’s true healer’ , so very, very true.
I have walked in woodland today, I have listened to the birds and talked to the tree’s (yes I do chat with them), I have walked along a meandering stream. I sat on a bench where my husband and I sat often when walking and I found the memories comforting. I was isolated except for my dogs and it really does help me to focus on the nature that surrounds me.
xxx