Hi, I have again read through your post and cannot see why talking of kindness, love, caring, and forgiveness should cause any offence. I pray for them everyday, am I wrong in doing so. Only the few have found offence in your words. I suppose we can all read things into something that has been said and see things differently. My feeling are that having gratitude for what we have in life is not a bad thing, especially through hard times…
Love and kindness to you all xxxxxx.
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Hi Allison Eileen. Thank you so much for your reply. I don’t think you consciously need feel grateful for any Blessings you may have. It’s in your heart not your head that matters. I feel the same as you. I am not walking round all day being grateful, that would be silly and it’s just not possible. But the love you had and shared will NEVER die. No way. The sadness will be there, and I suggest whatever you think of him it will appear. In time it fades a little. That’s what I have found. But again we come back to each individual being different. No set rules apply. It’s a process is grief. A process none of us want to undertake, but we should try for the sake of our loved ones. It is said that if we are unhappy they are too.
Seeing grief as a process and accepting it as such can help the pain, if only a little.
It may be your emotions are drained and you feel numb. I know the feeling. It’s all too much at times, isn’t it? But soldier on we must, and look ahead for better times. The present situation does not help a bit. The lockdown on top of all our other problems has hit many hard. All we can do is pray for better times, which will inevitably come
Blessings. Take care of yourself and be kind to yourself. John.
Dear Pat, of course having gratitude in life isn’t a bad thing. You and I have much in common; our love of nature, gardening and dogs. If you read John’s post in it’s entirety you will understand why I responded thinking something or someone had upset him. In his subsequent post John explained that he was referring to recent disagreements, which he termed as hurtful. The way I see it is that, it’s not the speaking of kindness, love, caring and forgiveness that has caused offence, it’s the way John appears to be admonishing some for their behaviour and suggesting we choose our words carefully. He goes on to say that we are all adults and yet he is speaking to us in a condescending manner. I have indeed tried to choose my words carefully here, as John suggests, but it is very difficult as I need to get my point over without offending. The same problem John himself had with his post, hence my post about it being ironic. As somebody on the sidelines, I am trying to see this from everyone’s point of view but if I have caused offence or appear to be patronising in any way, then I apologise because that is not my intention.
I have looked back over different threads to see if I’d missed anything. Yes, there were some disagreements but long finished so perhaps better to leave well alone. With respect and in hindsight and also ironically, perhaps John should heed his own advice. We are all adults!
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Sorry Kate I still can’t see anything remotely offensive in Jonathan’s words. It certainly hasn’t caused any offense to me and who else has found offense in his words. I must admit I have been on the verge of giving up the forum because of the way some of the conversations have been going. I have found some of the replies uncalled for and one or two indeed hurtful when kind people have tried their best to help however I admit there is more kindness and empathy than hurt. I don’t think Jonathan was pointing the finger at any one person just reminding us that loving kindness, gratitude, forgiveness can sometimes be forgotten. That’s my take it anyway.
Pat xxx
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Hi. Kate. I don’t think any real harm has been done. I have always respected your views and found your posts most helpful. Whatever the merits or otherwise of my post, can I offer an olive branch and still be friends.
None of us wants to fall out with anyone when we have an awful cross to bear already.
Take care. Blessings. John.
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Our friendship was never in any doubt John 
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Whoops, can’t shake hands - social distancing and all that 
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Thanks Kate. A virtual handshake will do. Bless you and Bless us all. We are all in this mess together and it doesn’t seem to get any better. Take care.
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Hello John , thank you for the lovely words you have written. My husband died in September last year., we had been married 58yrs . The 29th April he would have been 80yr. My daughter was taking me to Scotland , with Jeremy’s Ashes. So it was a great disappointment that we weren’t able to travel. But , this week the same hotels have been available for the same dates next year. So guess what , I’ve booked Scotland for 2021. We met when I was 16yrs and he 21yrs in 1960. A lot of years spent together, we didn’t need friends as got on well together you could say grown up together,
Life has been so terribly different, this is what I say when asked how are you . But now things are different for the whole UK and the world. The last few weeks I found I could have my lunch time delivered freshly cooked by a caterer in our small town. I am very positive, I have done a lot of things in the house . I had never done gardening, or had to wash the car. But I’m learning to do things , if I’m stuck I go on to you tube to find how to fix things. I have my crying spells, like now the tears are running down my face ., but I’m fine.
The post coming or messages on the phone for Jeremy don’t bother me, they are always sent to his first name which is John,
As you say one unkind word or thoughtless word can set one back two months.
Well John , I talk to Jeremy all the time , I tell him what I’ve been up to and ask him to give me pointers if I’m stuck. Take care everyone
Regards Gwyneth
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Hi. Gwyneth. Are you Welsh? It sounds a Welsh name.
Thank you so much for your kind words. I too was married as long as you and still find it hard going after 18 months. How daring of you to book ahead like that, now that’s what I call positive thinking, and why not. Life is too short to worry about what might or might not be. Grab chances to feel better when they come.
We do learn new tricks. They say you can’t teach an old dog new tricks, but you can you know. Cooking, laundry, eating well and sleeping are all things I have learned again. I had a long time coping with all those before my wife died. We can and do make a life for ourselves in spite of it all, but of course nothing will ever be the same.
If I may say you have a very positive attitude in spite of the obvious pain.
I talk to my wife, and you know what, I know she is listening. I doubt any of us can be truly separated from our loved ones. So good of you to reply. Take care and Blessings. John.