Hi Folks. I often wonder if we are truly grateful for the blessings we have. For the kind folk on the site who post reassuring messages and help so much, for the kind but sometimes inappropriate remarkes we get from outsiders.
For the dawn chorus that gets us up in the mornings, the sky, nature, honest people, helpers, postmen NHS staff and everyone around that is kind
Now of course I have to say that what I have just said will apply to few. Those in the early stages of bereavement may not be able to feel such an emotion like gratitude. To them I say keep it in mind for later.
But kindness, love and caring cost nothing. When we reply to a person in pain may we always choose our words carefully. We should react with love and understanding and most do bless them. But of late some posts have been less than kind
It’a not for me to say who writes what and we have to take into consideration their condition. But expressing anger and unkindness helps not one bit. Someone on the edge could be pushed over by an unfortunate remark. Words have great power, much more than most of us think.
“The moving finger writes, and having writ moves on, not one word of piety or whit can change one word of it.”
Words can stick in the mind like glue and are often difficult to lose, especially when in a vulnerable state as most of us are. Many can’t bring themselves to use their loved one’s name, or read poems that remind them. All words!
I hope you don’t think I am teaching my grandmother to suck eggs. We are all adults and know when we put a foot wrong. I do often, we all do and forgiveness is so important.
Blessings to all. May your day be as best it can be. John.
Hello, John.
I have been unkind twice since I joined this group, the first time, I sincerely regretted being so, but not the second time. I have been told that I am a kind person more than once in my life. Unfortunately or not I have a hot temper and I have always been a straight to the point talker.
MaryL
Hello John. I agree with most of what you say. I am so grateful for many things: my family, my friends, all key workers during this crisis, nature and all things bright and beautiful, but most of all for the love of my husband and the life we shared. No reminder needed but it never hurts to mention. However, I wonder to what you are referring when you mention anger and unkindness. Has something been said to upset you? I’m not sure I agree with you though. I’m sure nobody wants to deliberately upset anyone but I do feel some things need to be said. I know, if something or someone is bothering me for whatever reason, I feel much better by airing my grievance and then moving on. Sometimes that might be by merely writing them down but much better than letting them fester.
Thanks for your views though and I feel saddened to think you may have been aggrieved in some way. Take care xx
Dear Mary, thank you for your honesty. There’s nothing wrong with straight talking, I like it. I believe you are a kind person. Stay true to yourself Mary. Xx
Hi. Kate. No not at all, no one has upset me because that is no longer possible. You may not have read some of the posts that came on recently. Some may have thought them OK but they were bordering on being unwanted and maybe hurtful to whom they were addressed.
Airing grievances, of course why not, but it can be done in a kind and diplomatic way. If you said something to me that was hurtful I would not get angry. I would suggest that that was your opinion and you were perfectly entitled to it. Then leave it alone. There lies the problem. Most people can’t leave well alone. When they feel aggrieved they try and draw as many as possible into it. Where did tolerance go? We are all suffering enough without unkind words being added
Anyway, good to talk to you again Kate. I do hope you are beginning to feel a little bit better. Blessings. John.
Just in case Mary thought I was getting at specific people, which I would never do, I have messaged her. We all make mistakes and often regret them after. I am all for straight talking, provided it upsets no one.
I’m rather upset that you feel the need to address some people as ‘outsiders’ and stand in judgement of anyone’s interaction. We are all here because we are dealing with loss and how we deal with it or not is so individual. As for unacceptable interaction that is for the admin team to deal with. We can of course alert them if we have any concerns. I like Kate, wonder why you felt the need to raise this as it will certainly make new members question just who they are interacting with. Happy to hear from you privately.
Hi San. You misunderstood. By outsiders I meant those we meet in the street, people who have some idea about what has happened but respond inappropriately. I always choose words carefully. I have re-read my post and I see nothing there that could offend anyone. I do hope that anyone who reads it will take it in the way it was intended. To help. Why did I raise it? Because I often feel we need appreciate each other more and help where possible. I am not taking this any further. Thanks for your post…
Best wishes John.
John I think your post was wonderfully worded and needed as I haven’t been on here for a while because of how I have been spoken to.
Hi Jonathan, I agree with Jooles and can’t see anything that could possibly offend. Gratitude and forgiveness, Loving, kindness, understanding we all need to offer this and much more as hard as it might be at times. Like you Mary I am also a straight speaker. And wonder now if I have outdone my welcome on the forum.
Never, Pat. you are a valued contributor to this forum, I love to read your posts and picture your walks with your dogs. x x x
I find this an extremely rude reply Jonathan. I will leave it there. It’s best I do.
This was a lovely forum it’s gone downhill. I’ve not been on for ages as I was terribly upset by some people’s words. Jonathan your words of lovely wisdom were well overdue. Thank you for being the one to say it.
I am inclined to agree with you Jooles. I used to get so much satisfaction from coming on and having a chat and hopefully offering a helping hand from time to time but now it’s like walking on eggshells all the time.
I honestly can’t see anything rude or offensive in any of Jonathan’s replies and I have read through them a number of times, have I missed something. What is wrong in requesting kindness to each other??? We need it now more than ever.
xxxx
Jooles,
When this truly awful lockdown is over, we shall all return to our normal, if there is such a thing, I do believe that most of us is rather crotchety, because of the enforced imprisonment.
I feel sad for each and every one of us, we are not only grieving for our loved ones, who have passed away, we are grieving for the loss of our freedom, grieving for those who are grieving for the loss of their loved ones who have become victims of this truly horrendous pandemic. In all my 80 years of life, I have never known anything as bad. I can remember WW2, the smallpox and the polio epidemics, but nothing like or close to what we are going through now.
Love.
Mary x x x
I keep seeing messages about how awful this lockdown is and to be honest I am not finding it at all bad. I go out for my exercise everyday with my walk with my dogs, keeping local but having nice walks that have made me notice much more about the area I where I live. I am grateful that I have my allotments that the government have allowed to stay open and I can spend time there which members agree is a lifesaver for us all, I have my garden and greenhouse so my life hasn’t changed that much except for needing food that I can only buy from another town and doing very little shopping which I don’t like anyway so no big loss. I would also like to go further afield for my walks but remaining local and keeping the social distancing. I still see other dog walkers and we can chat and walk, again keeping the required distance.
Of course I miss my family but it’s not forever. I have also felt down and depressed and still do sometimes by it all but have decided this attitude is not going to help me cope long term.
xxxx
Good evening. I’m just catching up with everyone. I must say John, that it’s ironic that your post does seem to have caused offence. Your words have obviously stirred up feelings which have caused upset - everything you were trying to berate us for. My feelings are that your words may have been better left unsaid. As far as I can see, any recent spats were finished but your post has succeeded in bringing them to the fore again. How very unfortunate. Sadly, your post has created a chasm within our fellow grievers. As I say, ironic. 🤦
There’s no answer to that Mrs Colt 
You’re undoubtedly right, Jonathan, and I do count my blessings and yet … it’s been two years and just over one month since my husband died and I still don’t feel, in my heart, grateful for the years we had. Not on the deepest level. I know it, I acknowledge it, but don’t feel it. What I still feel is sadness at losing him. The intensity has lessened over time on an everyday level but can still overwhelm me. I’m learning that for me, acceptance and gratefulness are hard won, over time yet to come. Yet I’m not a person who normally ‘dwells’, I’m a getter on with life, usually.
But thank you for your thoughts.
Alison