I’m new to this so please be patient.
I lost my step dad on the 24 th of November and six weeks on it still feels like yesterday. The pain it’s left me in is unbelievable and I can’t see how I’m ever going to move forward. It’s left my mum devastated and frightened as she her self is elderly and not in good health , I spend everyday with her but I know when I come home she is lonely and cry’s most of the evening. I suffer mental health issues and so all this is getting to much . I do her shopping and her post and her money matters I also am now sorting out the belongings of my step dad and this is just pushing me to breaking point
I can’t let my mum know I’m stuggerling because she is grieving and her self is not able to take much more I just don’t know what to do


Hey there. First of all, I’m so sorry for the loss of your Dad. I know that’s something you probably hear a lot but it needed to be said regardless.
Do you have any other close friends/family members you can lean on for support? Going through grief is hard enough, let alone trying to tackling it by yourself. For me, I find talking through things with my sister really helps me with grief, and I think it really does count for a lot to be able to voice some of the feelings you’re going through as a result of loss.

I have my eldest daughter to talk to yes but not really anyone else but I just feel so overwhelmed with it all and being the only one helping my mum . My two brothers don’t do any thing as they didn’t like him and don’t understand why we feel the loss
I just don’t feel there is any point in life now and seeing what it is doing to my mum worry’s me she will go soon as well and that is terrifying me

Hello, I am so sorry about your loss. I lost my Dad unexpectedly on 17th November and I feel the same way as you do. I am totally overwhelmed. My mum was in hospital first, the week before. We were told she had 24 hours at the most to live. My Dad was perfectly fine and stood at her bed side with me. While I was spending 24/7 at the hospital with my mum, my Dad caught a cold virus and was admitted to A & E with breathing problems. Within 4 days he was gone. The hospital neglected him, left us uninformed , starved him and he was desperate with thirst. They ended his life quickly by administering drugs that we were not consulted about and he had refused. My mum signed herself out immediately and I am caring for her at home. She is on palliative care. I have been left to do everything alone, Arranging dad’s funeral and sorting out all the bills , accounts etc. Whilst being in deep trauma over what happened to my Dad.
My Sister has spent the past 5 years emotionally and financially bullying my Parents to sell their home to gain inheritance to pay off her mortgage. They have suffered so much stress. Now that my Dad has passed and my mum is on end of life, she continues to bully. I have lived with my parents for the past 25 years and my Dad was father figure to my children as they grew up with him. We will become homeless as soon as my mum passes away. I suffer mental health problems also, I feel I am on the edge. My mum won’t allow me to grieve because she is afraid that when I cry it means that I am unable to be strong and care for her. She has made a decision that she will not be admitted to hospital under any circumstances ( obviously following my Dad’s horrific death), I will have to face that alone. I feel life isn’t worth living anymore. There is nothing but heartbreak ahead .

@Nima @Kinder I’m so sorry you have had to come to this club. I lost my partner who was a step dad, a bloody good one and I can understand your struggles. He was a huge loss to me and my children and I appreciate the impact it has on you as I see it in them.

You need help, this can not be done alone. See your GP and get talking to someone before you won’t be able to help them. @Kinder talk to your mum, cry together, share your feelings, it’s ok to do that. You can still show grief and be able to support her. Yes she is grieving and grief stays for life, it will just get easier to bare in time but she needs you and you definitely need her. Take days hour by hour, don’t take on too much, clothes, belongings take time to feel up to doing.

@Nima I’m sorry you find yourself in this position, so horrific for you. You too need to get some help or find someone to talk to. Also got to citizens advice about your sister if necessary. Spend as much time with your mum as possible and talk. Tell her everything you want her to know. Speak to your GP about getting help in the home to care for your mum. It’s all too much alone. Grief in itself is debilitating without all the care and sorting your doing.
Pease get help

Grief is a lif long feeling. Initially it’s raw and all consuming but that will dull to an ache nd then slowly it gets easier to deal with. Grief comes in waves, some huge ones, some ripples and the gaps get larger in between them but the tide is always there, it never stops it just gets easier to manage.
Best of luck to you all.

I know your feelings well I still have my mum but I fear it won’t be for long . My two brothers are the same as your sister they say they care and they will do anything for her but I haven’t seen any of that yet , because they didn’t like my step dad . I have been looking after both of them for. Months and even before his death I was there most days helping them and running errands and getting them to appointments, and to the shops for shopping. When he had his fall in November I was with him in ten minutes and stayed with him all night at the hospital and went back every day to see him I never left his side .
When he came home I sorted out carers to come in twice a day to help with washing him and toilet needs because he was bed bound and this is what I believed finished him off .
He had a bad heart and I think he gave up he couldn’t eat as he had a broken jaw after the fall and all this combined was to much
He was begging to die every night when he was screaming out in pain , and seeing this night after night is something I will never forget
He was so loved around the shops were he went and with everyone who knew him and he has left such a massive hole in a lot of people’s life’s
I have told my mum to sell there house as it’s to big for her but my brothers won’t let her because there worried about there inheritance also I am now left on my own dealing with the house , her , appointments, shopping , getting her out , and now clearing his stuff , and I helped with the funeral which was two days before Christmas it’s all to much for me and I feel like I’m sinking

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