Greiving in Silence

I lost my mum all most 1 year ago to cancer. Not only was she my mum I was lucky enough to call mum my best friend who also worked alongside me an was a collegue.

I saw an spoke to mum everyday & during her treatment I was with her every step of the cancer journey.
When mum passed my whole world changed, my daily rountine changed, my work space changed for me everything changed.

As soon as mums funeral was over the disscussions of selling the house even though my two sons lived in the house, the emtying the house, this was something I could not get involved with, it hurt to much. Within five months of mums passing the house was sold an all I could think off is their is nothing left of mum as all others saw was money. I may be over thinking the situation but in my mind it all happened to soon for me to process.

I often think I have PSTD as I have lots of flashbacks of the good days & bad days during mums treatment, an often have tears running down my face when I’m alone. I don’t want to burden my family & close friends as I feel they all think I’m doing ok. The truth is I’m not ok, I get up everyday an go through the motions with a smile on my face doing what I have to do to get by. An what gets me is I’m good at hiding all this.

I know all the obv stuff people say to help you, time is a healer, memories, you where so lucky to have someone like that in your life. But I have never felt so alone ever. I have the most amazing husband & family around me, I do not want to burden them with how I feel and I think to myself how would they know what I went through being with mum at every appointment, chemo day’s, staying with her when she was sick or when she needed me, being their when mum was told they could not treat the cancer & sleeping in the hospital during her final weeks so she was never alone.

Bloody hell I know I cannot feel like this forever, the good times an memories will filter through an not just the cancer moments I see everyday. Is this all in the process of grieving I hope so as mum would’nt want me to feel like this.

5 Likes

Hello Just69690

I’m part of the Online Community team, and I can see that you are new to the community. I’m so sorry to hear about your mum. Your whole world can feel turned on its head by grief, especially when it feels like you haven’t had time to process it all.

I’m sure others will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.

You might also want to make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or support services in your local area, if you are finding the flashbacks distressing or overwhelming.

You can also use the NHS IAPT scheme to search for psychological therapies in your local area: Find an NHS talking therapies services - NHS

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care, Rhi

1 Like

Hi, I am new on here too, I went through similar with my Dad and didn’t speak about it to anyone, keeping it all bottled inside turns out it wasn’t a good idea as when I then lost my husband I fell apart as it was like grieving for 2 people xx it’s hard to share how you feel, but I think you need to, family and friends will all listen and be supportive or an independent place like here hopefully, I’ve found by talking about it, it gets easier, I still be moments where the tears beat me, I lost my dad in 2008, husband in 2013 and then my mum in 2019, but this year I can look back at the happy times finally, I still do think others don’t want to hear about memories etc but you will be surprised- most people do xx take care and stay strong, you can get through this xx

2 Likes

My mum passed at the beginning of April and I often think that everyone must think I’m strange as I do all my crying behind closed doors. Sometime I feel that I don’t get cut the usual slack that someone would having just lost their mum because to everyone I seem fine.

I’ve spent my entire life bottling things up and I can’t help but wonder if down it all the line I’m going to have a massive meltdown when it all comes bubbling to the surface and it really hits home that I’ve lost my mum.

2 Likes

Thank you for sharing with me, you have been through so much loosing the most important people in your life.

1 Like