A long post if anyone reads to the end any help would be appreciated.I lost my mum to pancreatic cancer mid January 2024 it was a horrible few months from diagnosis it was only small but couldn’t operate at the time as it was attached to a blood vessel and I think at that point my mum just gave up. She hardly ate and was depressed I think because my sister died 3 years ago of cancer. But back to my mum the specialist said that she needed to build up her strength so she could have treatment to shrink it and then possibly operate if it shrunk enough but she refused to eat much she didn’t want to linger on like my uncle who died of pancreatic cancer a year earlier. A week after new year her blood pressure dropped and barely breathing called ambulance and they stableised her for time being next morning when I got up she was awake and talking and had abit of food. But 3days later the death rattle started me and my brother was with her at the very end when she passed away she waited until my dad was out of the room when it happened it was the first time I saw someone die Infront of me. I couldn’t sleep after and had nightmares every night and kept like having flashbacks even now over 6 months on and don’t know what to do and how to move on feel so alone.
Hey Steve,
God all of that what your family have gone through in such a short time sounds brutal and heartbreaking. I’m so sorry for all your pain, it just isn’t fair.
I feel that, my mum died suddenly at the end of May. It turns out she died of a gallbladder rupture but had cancer in her colon. We’ve only just found out but she died 10 weeks ago. And the night before she died and the morning of plays over in my head all the time. You know, thinking of the hours before she died and now knowing she had an infection due to the burst gallbladder and knowing she was in bed slowly dying is heartbreaking. But also the morning that my dad found her slumped in the sofa, blotchy arms, and cold. Hearing him shout my name as I woke up in the morning and him saying ‘it’s your mother’ I knew something wasn’t right. I can’t explain it in the run down the stairs to the living room I knew she was gone. Her face was turned towards me as I ran from the front door to the living room and my dad was doing cpr, it all happened so fast and that Friday morning haunts all of my other Friday mornings. The day life changed forever and I’m broken from it all.
Grief is so exhausting, that’s what I’m learning the more it carries on. It affects me every single day, every thing I do. I’m sure you probably feel the same in that regard, and your mum must’ve felt so deflated from the pack of losing her daughter and I feel so deeply for you all knowing how much your family changed and then adjusted and then changed again. It’s just a pain so many people don’t understand.
Sending lots of love your way x
Cheers and I’m sorry for your loss as well with my sister I went into the depression stage after a few days and lasted a couple of weeks this time I have hit the depression stage when I scattered my mums ashes in the sea same location as my sister’s and that was 4 weeks ago and not getting any easier very down at the moment that’s why Im hoping chatting on here with people who has been through the same can help us get through it
Yeah, I find my grief in all different moments. The overwhelming feeling is like I’m numb and I’m empty whilst also feeling everything so deeply at the same time. But if I chose to feel it every second of every day you’d never do anything you know. I think the hardest concept is knowing that she was so here and so alive and such a core part of my life and in the blink of an eye it all changed and I will never be the same again.
I cry most days and she’s in my thoughts every single second in anything I do, and this loss and this pain is truly exhausting
I don’t cry that often as I’ve buried my emotions so deep and for so long but Tuesday just gone went to church with part of ashes were placed as the memorial stone was placed but when I got home I cried for about 15 minutes and I was hoping that was what I needed to be able to start moving forward but not helped. Alot of my friend and family say get councling but free waiting list are massive so hoping this will help in the short term