grief 4 years on

I’m new to this site and thank you for accepting me. The love of my life was taken 4 and a half years ago from cancer leaving me and my then 13 year old son.
Looking back I don’t know how I coped with all of this but life went on and it was my mission to create a ‘new normal’ for my son, he gave me a reason to get up in the morning and to carry on and he has been amazing, made me and his Dad so proud with how he has coped with loss and all it entails.
Now fast forward 4 and a half years and my son is planning his path to uni, has found a lovely girlfriend and I am truly happy for him but this has triggered my grief back to day one for some reason, I feel as if is now that the grief has hit me like a brick and out of the blue and I just feel totally lost and as though everything is hitting me for the second time. We all have this horrible journey to walk but just wondering if anyone maybe has some advice or at least can relate to this, as a widow at 50 years old, unless you’ve been through it I find d people can sympathise but not relate if that makes sense.
thank you for allowing me to actually just put it down somewhere xxx


For me it is three and a half years since I lost my wife to cancer and totally understand how you feel. Our children have all left home and have families of their own and although we are close our daughters both live over three hundred miles away. I would love to say things get better with time but the loss is always there you just get better at coping. It’s the small things that trigger emotions and you find yourself crying for what others would think are silly reasons. I can’t offer any magic solutions to help you on your journey but there will always be someone here to share your thoughts with. Just remember you are not on your own. Sending you hugs x


Hi @misi @Ian10
Nicr to see that after some time you are coping in your own ways. It will be good to see your son planning out his life and future ahead.
I know at any age being a widower is hard.
I am 66 my husband died at 63 just over u months ago and it is not easy journey.
I dont have any family close and my mum has now gone into care home just before mt 1st Christmas without :broken_heart: him and my mum has dementia so doesnt understand.
It is not an easy jouney we have but i find it very lonely and quiet at home. Sometimes i dont talk to anyone for days if i stay home so i try to go out even just for a bus ride library walk. I used to volunteer for Macmillan before he passed so maybe go back later this year.


Hi @misi

I am only 3 1/2 months into this journey but I think part of what might have triggered your grief is the fact that you son is soon to leave home and that for the first time in a long time time you will be living on your own.

We have two adult children who live abroad and in London, so I had to quickly adjust to the fact that it was just me, which is not always easy. I can do the practical stuff but the emotional side is something else and often find myself in a negative spiral of not having that one special person who you relied on for support, love , togetherness.

I am trying to be positive and carve out a new life, living with my grief, doing things on my own, hopefully going away in our campervan for weekends with the dogs, etc but it is not straightforward and I am sure there will be struggles and dark moments ahead.

Even after all this time I am sure you will find support on this site from others who have been through something similar. So keep checking in and posting.

Take care… Pete

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