Grief after a long time

Coping with bereavement
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My mum passed away 2 years in April and I still can’t seem to accept it can’t look at photos or talk about her it’s horrible

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Hello @Paula66,

I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community. I am sorry for the loss of your mum. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,

Seaneen

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Hello Paula . It is the same for me , my mum died 17 months ago and i still can’t accept it either . I am having CBT and taking antidepressants and they take the edge off it a little bit but its still a difficult time for me .
Take care.
Love Angie xx

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Thank you. I was hoping to see some replies but there aren’t any at the moment. I like getting the texts.

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Hello Paula, am so sorry about your mum. My mum passed away 17 months ago. I still have days when I am on my own that I just sob. Sometimes it feels like it’s never going to stop. Most of the time it’s like a roller-coaster ride, might have a couple of days that I feel a little better and manage not to cry, then the next day go straight back down again, and am a mess. Tried antidepressants but they didn’t really work. And thought about counselling, but still can’t face it yet…
I have started to listen on utube, to Headspace, Reset: decompress your body and mind. It’s guided meditation. I find if I have had a bad day this helps me to relax and feel a bit calmer. I hope this helps a little. Take care x

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Hello Jasmine thank you so much for this. I need to find something because it’s ruining my life and I can’t imagine what I’m doing to my family. How do you cope in the mornings when you wake up? And with Christmas again it’s just so painful with everyone so happy around you :frowning:

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Thank you Angie sorry to hear your story too. I am on anti depressants, counselling and a family that are keeping me going because I have hit rock bottom and still find it so hard to cope. Somehow getting to work every day somehow because if I went sick again it would be 100 times worse. :frowning:

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Can either of you look at photos? xxxx

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Hello Paula. Mornings are really hard. It still hits me as soon as I open my eyes. I used to love Christmas but now it’s not the same. I remember last Christmas eve going food shopping, and on the drive home just sobbing, because normally I would buy all mums favourite food, and then go and see her.
I know it’s been hard for my husband, before I lost mum I was always quite upbeat, chatty and always joking around, now am usually very quiet, and sometimes struggle to make conversation.
I do look at photos of mum, it’s painful, but sometimes I talk to her.xx

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Jasmine it’s exactly the same for me. I feel like I’m losing myself because I don’t recognise myself anymore. They just want their mum/wife back. I wish I could look at photos I wish I could talk to her but it makes it even more real xx

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Hello Paula, sorry fr the late reply. We all handle grief differently and I think we all move forward at different times. Before I came on this site I started to think there was something wrong with me, 16 months after my mum and still an emotional wreck , especially as someone else I know who lost her mum, and after about 3 months was upbeat and happy.
Try not to beat yourself up, in time you will feel differently am sure , and only you will know when its time to put photos of your mum out.
When I talk to my mum it doesn’t make me feel any happier but in a way it makes me feel still connected to her somehow. I imagine her watching me, listening and smiling.
Xx

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Thank you. Been hard today my step dad in Norfolk has asked through a friend whether I would like some of her ashes which I just can’t comprehend and it feels awful. When you say your emotional wreck what do you mean? I’m struggling to enjoy anything and dread waking up to have to get through the day living without her after 17 months :frowning:

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Hello Paula, I have my mum’s ashes at home I couldn’t bear to scatter them. I find the nights are worse for me, I wake up in the mornings and it still hits me, but then I get up and try and keep busy, but at night , just laying there in the dark and it’s so quiet, keep remembering the last 3 months of her life, conversations we had, wishing I had done things differently, things I wish I,d said. Its so painful, and then just lay there quietly sobbing.
I feel like I,m an emotional wreck as sometimes driving in car or at home or walking the dog just start crying. The thought of work again today is painful, having to pretend like I am OK, and trying to hold it all together is still difficult. Xx

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Hello Jasmine sorry I haven’t replied I haven’t had the best week. It’s like I’m never going to get better. I’m on medication to help my depression and anxiety and I still feel like it’s never going to get better. I have something that helps me sleep. I have to MAKE myself get to work otherwise being at home alone would be horrendous with too much time to think and feel so sad. Just don’t know how my husband is coping with me Especially as he has to practically convince me to get out of bed every day :frowning: I can’t remember do you live alone? xx

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I have subscribed to Headspace. What does your husband say to you mine is so patient but sometimes it reallly gets him down. And my daughter left for university when it all because obvious mum wasn’t going to get better :frowning:

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Hello paula, sorry for late reply, how are you now. Hope the medication is helping. When i have bad days and break down, i think my husband struggles, as he doesn’t know what to do. Christmas day was really hard, just remembering how it was when mum was here, so much laughter and chatting. I tryed to stay positive for my husband, but it wasn’t the same without mum.
New years eve was hard, hearing all the fireworks going off, i just cried.
I don’t want to start another year without mum. And starting another year without mum, makes me feel like she is getting further away from me.
How was your Christmas, hope your ok x

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Hello just hard having to go through the motions and be as upbeat as possible. My husband has been so patient but think he doesn’t know what to say. My first thoughts as soon as I can feel myself waking up is o another day to get through. I just fear all the time. Some times I just feel like I could just fall to the floor and sob. I’m now a very anxoius person since it all happened. Thank you for your thoughts xx

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