Hello. I’m really struggling after Mam’s funeral on Tuesday. It was a beautiful service but I was so upset and my brother and sister in law and nephew just blanked me. They accused me the day she died of not doing anything for Mam, despite me spending every Sunday with her, taking her out for dinner and ringing her every day. I live 50 minutes away from her, live alone and work full time.
My brother works for himself and lived 15 minutes away so he could always drop everything to help her in an emergency and in the last couple of years has done loads of practical stuff for her. I asked my Mam on numerous occasions to let me do her shopping, book leave to take her to appointments etc but she always said Lyndon and Clare had it covered. I still tried to take her out in the wheelchair if the weather was good and tried to offer emotional support and companionship. I loved her dearly and miss her so much but now I’ve lost my whole family. Since she died on 1st Feb he has no once asked how I am, won’t go near me etc.
I am so down and feel unable to contemplate going back to work but I have to support myself. My friends have been amazing but the nights are so hard and weekends are unbearable without a day with Mam. I have begun to feel my brother is right, that I am a “selfish bitch” and that I deserve to suffer like this. I just don’t know where to turn
Oh bless you. I lost my mum in November, really good friend last week and my mums car yesterday. I’m really not looking forward to Mother’s Day, just had her birthday on Feb 14th. I am dealing with a brother I hate, and his kids. He came to her funeral, never spoke to me, turned up in a blue suit without a tie! He’s kids didn’t go and he did nothing to help. They will be there though when the money is sorted!!! If I didn’t have my daughter I don’t know how I would have got through it. Have u got a good friend u can talk to? My friend I was talking to has now died! It’s hard.
Probate has just come through and I have had to communicate with him to tell him what he is getting, he’s not going to like it. He wants to come to scattering her ashes but I really don’t want him to be there. I seem to get through things and then something new hits me. I have been told the first year is the worst. I lost my dad when I was 30, now 56 and it didn’t seem as bad as this. Facebook is not helping with all the memories photos coming up, what about u?
Oh gosh you’ve gone through a rough experience. Try and remember that your family members are grieving and so what they are saying and how they are behaving is going to be, in part, a reflection of their own feelings of loss. Are you able to try and get some counselling sorted? Many charities will offer it and could help you process the loss of your mum. Guilt in different forms seems a really common part of grief, but ir doesn’t always mean it’s true or accurate. Try and be kind to yourself, you’re dealing a huge loss.