Grief and anger

Hi, I lost my dad in November last year to lung cancer. It was fast. Three months from him complaining of a shoulder pain to the dreaded call. I have since found out he has left me nothing in his will, and all to his wife, who he left mum for about twenty years ago and whim I’m not particularly close to, I’ve always felt like she is it tolerating me and Im really just a pain in her backside. I thought we were close, I idnt want a lot, just something small would have been nice but nothing is a kick in the teeth, I miss him and I’m angry at him. I since lost my uncle last weekend to lymphoma, who I was close to. It all feels very overwhelming.

Hi Jacklemus3,

I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve lost your dad, and also your uncle, and that your dad didn’t leave you anything in his will. It sounds as though it’s less about the money for you and more about a feeling of him acknowledging your relationship? This doesn’t change the close relationship you had in the past, but your anger is completely natural and understandable. Being angry with him doesn’t mean that you miss him any less.

I hope that it helps a little to have this Online Community as a place to get those feelings off your chest. Sorry to see that no one has replied to you yet. While you wait for more replies to your post, you might also find it helpful to read and reply to some other recent posts in the Losing a Parent section of the site:

Hello Jacklemus3, I am so sorry for the loss of your dad and uncle. Your dad, even though he left everything to his wife, your stepmother, there is no way of knowing if he told his wife to give you a certain something to remember him by, either by talking to her or leaving a letter with the will. If you do not get on with your step mother she might have kept back the items your dad could have left you just for spite, but like I say, you will never know because there is no way she will admit it.

This has made me think as well because even though I have stated in my will the amount of money I want to leave for my sons and grandchildren I also have added a few envelopes in the box where my will is kept, outlining what I want my grandchildren to have, i.e. my jewellery, their granddads books and collectors cars. You never think that someone would be so mean as not to follow the deceased person’s instructions so I am now going to amend my will outlining everything I am leaving them in black and white.

Grieve for your dad, remember the happy times but do not dwell on the fact that your dad might not have left you anything in his will because he could have entrusted her to make sure you got something to remember him by and she didn’t give it to you.

When your uncle died you also lost someone close to you and two bereavements so close together is very hard indeed, you didn’t have time to come to terms with your dad dying before your uncle died.

Take care.

Sheila xx