I lost my father at aged 14 and then my mother at 23. I have had two traumatic experiences losing them both so young, and now at aged 31 I feel it is time I spoke to someone about how to deal with general life stresses and manage anxiety when these unexpected life events happen . I am a strong person but a month ago, I didn’t feel as strong and want to be pointed in the right direction on how to manage stress and feeling anxious. Who has had these experiences and how did you deal with it?
Have you thought of counselling, you’ve coped all these years and been strong but now might be the time to let it all out?
Losing both parents at a young age can have a devastating effect on a person! I feel for you, I lost my grandmother who bought me up whilst my parents were at work and passed away when I was 12 years old, I was never the same after that and only later was I told I had anxiety and depression!! I now have severe mental health issues for the last 30 years and this year lost four people in my life within three months!
My sons 22, 19 and 11 lost their dad 16 weeks ago and I’m concerned about the long term effect on them
Yes it must be very tough for your children and you. It might be worth asking for counselling for your boys but I was told to come on here and get counselling from people also grieving rather than specialist therapy! If you can get them to talk and not bury the grief deep inside would be best, sometimes as a parent you are not always confided in!!
The oldest talks all the time but the middle one I think needs it. But the 11 year old is autistic so he’s black and white and has accepted it
That’s a lot of deal with at such a young age. Do you have siblings that can support you? I lost my dad at 26 and now my mum at 41 only a few months ago.
I know I wasn’t as young as you, but I still think I am too young to have no parents. I got counselling after I lost my dad and having counselling again now. I resent having to spend money on mental health but it’s really worth it. Google “bacp” to find a directory of counsellors in your area with different specialisms. If you don’t click with them, move on, it’s so important to find the right one so you can make progress. Sending you strength and hugs. You will be ok. x
This is my biggest fear too. They’ll be 12 and 14 (maybe 13 and 15) when my husband dies. I think what often happens is exactly what’s happening here, children keep it all in as they are too young to process it and it comes out more in adulthood. I’d definitely recommend counselling to the OP. Xxx
I didn’t get counselling in the beginning because I had too many distractions such as work and trying to support myself, since I was going to become independent and try and live and survive life on my own. So I never really got the opportunities to get counselling as I felt as well that I was healing, as time passed. But over a month ago, I was getting life back on track as I split up with a long term partner a year ago and once I started a new life, things started going wrong again and it put me through a lot of stress and anxiety. So I am trying to find some counselling as I can’t afford privately right now, but the nhs has a long waiting list for mental health and I don’t know what else there could be out there that’s ideal for me…
Any organisations that can help in a way that I can pay what I can?
Yes, I have family but it’s difficult because they are all focused on their own lives, which understandably is normal and to be expected. I have a sibling but, emotionally he is just ‘not there’. In a sense that he can’t deal with someone that is going through a tough time emotionally. So I don’t think any advice from him will be helpful for me. All I need, is just someone to vent my problems to and find a coping strategy to help me deal with day to day general life stresses, in case something else drastic happens again too quickly, and I worry I might end up in the same place mentally again. I am feeling much brighter but at the same time, I still need to speak and get some form of counselling arranged for me.
Some counsellors on the bacp page offer concessionary rates for those on a low income so perhaps that could still be an option… Try cruse? I know they have long waiting lists too. Or you could look up grief cafes in your area, this is where bereaved people get together over a coffee with volunteers and you can chat about your experiences. Not quite the same as 121 counselling but just offering suggestions. Good luck
Ask your gp practice mine referred me to a local one which is free about 5 weeks ago and I’m in on 16th October so might be worth asking.
There is cruse as well but they not in my area might be in yours
I have been on the waiting list to be referred but the waiting time has now extended to 6 months instead of 4. I rang macmillan and they gave me some local charities but most are on the phone appointments, or they don’t offer any 121s…
So not sure what else to do?
@klester, do you have any budget for counselling? I just saw someone for £40 an hour and with concessionary rates which is very cheap for London!
Keep talking to people, try the phone calls while you wait you’ve nothing to lose
Thanks very much. I will give it a try and give them a call. See what they can offer.
I will keep trying. Thanks very much