I am so sorry for your loss. Words will not help but love will help you cope for now.
It is a long road that we travel when losing someone you love so deeply.
I too look for ways to end this heartache, I will keep you in my thoughts today.
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I am so sorry for the loss of your son. The pain right now is unbearable and there will be days where you think you canât go on, but hang on in there. Cry, scream, shout it does help. You are in my prayers 
.
Iâm sorry to hear about your son @Rubytuesday911, I canât imagine the pain youâre feeling. We will all be thinking of you today when itâs his funeral. Keep us updated with how youâre feeling, youâre not alone in what youâre going through and weâre going to be here to help you through this.
Itâs understandable to hear that youâre struggling to keep going, what youâre going through is incredibly difficult and I can really hear the pain youâre feeling. If at any point you feel these thoughts are making you feel unsafe or you need more support outside of the community, these services are always just a call or text away, anytime you need someone to talk to.
- Shout are contactable by text, 24/7. You can text Shout to 85258 and talk to them about anything.
- Samaritans are available 24/7 to talk about anything that you are worried about in confidence. You can call them on 116 123.
- If you have any concerns for your health or safety, call 999.
Keep reaching out to us, we're here for you :)
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having a very hopeless day today. I got up in the night angry a few hrs after going to bed exhausted sure Iâd sleep but I nevervdid.
My mum is sleeping in my bed with me and I am angry with her fir not being my husband. angry with counselling Iâve tried to access that via GP and private and sue ryder cruse either has waiting list, back after new year or couldnât help me as said I need a psychotherapist (which they sent me some and private work healthcare will pay but the effort just to get to this point is exhausting and I didnt get help despite very very long phone call assessment).
I donât want to phone people on here for various reasons including I am too selfish right now and will talk about myself and alienate you last hopes I have in confiding in.
I am killing my mum, she gets more ill every day but I keep snapping at her and she is only trying to help me. like last night I moved to the couch at 2am, finally got to sleep around 4 but then she came down to check Iâm OK and woke me. I know she is perfect and Iâm so lucky so why am i so annoyed. I will be so sorry when she dies that I didnt act better now and I am in advance but still canât act better. My stepdad has the news talking about Christmas or programs with adverts about Christmas and keeps talking about it. I just want to be alone a few days with no TV radio on but I also know I canât cope alone either. Iâm trying to do the right things sometimes but its so much effort. I still didnt even tell a load of people he is dead that I should have. So many very complicated things to still sort out with my husbandâs computing that control all the electrics. people offer help but then canât because he invented it so no one knows. Iâm hiring a car I canât drive,
I did volunteer on a local group trying to take control for our town from the council before all this but gave that up, they try to get me back involved and rung me but I donât answer and feel bad for that. Got a promotion but canât take that. tried to start back at just my normal job and canât do that. Found out this week due to a merge there will now be redundancies so maybe I wonât even have that.
My stepdad wants us to go and meet stepsister today an hour drive away. At Llangollen where I was with my husband in September and he was so healthy he wanted to climb the hill but I got halfway and said another time. my stepsister is unbearably cheerful with her husband and three children at the best of times and again means weâll but I will just want to punch her in the chops.
Everyone is well meaning and trying to help me as best as they can. I try to keep getting up but Iâm on my knees more and more. I have diazepam but trying not to take as dr rationing me now and I know the worst is to come. my husbandâs birthday on Xmas eve was so wonderful usually. I canât even light the candle to join you as didnt figure out the electrified smoke detectors connected to home robotics that turned electric off last time they detected smoke from a candle i lit the day after he died.
Then after it all I think why. If I had my husband it would be so different and I was a different person I was proud of and helping others, instead of this leeching, snivelling,ungrateful parasite. I canât get up.
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Thank you x
Thought of you yesterday. How did it go?. And are you managing to cope today? X
It was as beautiful and perfect as we could make it for him.
Thank you
That will be a comfort, I am sure. Hugs, Ann x