Hello, it’s coming up on 2 years since my wife/partner of 35 years took her own life after 20+ years of mental health and alcohol issues. I thought that the emptiness and complete feeling of loss would have diminished but it’s as raw now as it was on the evening of being informed she had passed. I’ve tried to lose myself in work, DIY and even joined a dating site to fill the void but it’s just papering over the cracks.
Can anyone give me a ray of hope as to when the hurt will stop.
Thank you.
3 Likes
Andy,
I’m so sorry for your loss and under such tragic circumstances.
I can’t even begin to imagine how this has left you feeling. I have always believed that even though the struggles may have been hard during our times with our partners/ spouses, we would actually be grateful to have them with us forever, warts and all.
Are you able to draw strength from the fact your darling wife is at peace from her troubled thoughts.
I’m not sure if that really helps but I’m glad you have found this site because although we have no answers, we are hear to listen and try to support you through these dark times.
Sending you a hug xx
1 Like
Hi Andy, I’m so sorry for your tragic loss and the circumstances leading up to it. I have no experience of this except my own widowhood twice over, last one November 2020. I am a believer in crying out the grief. Using tears to flush away the hurt. Letting it flow away. Maybe you blame yourself even subconsciously. Forgive yourself for all the past. Try to see some future.
Much love to you.
Bobmajor aka Tricia
1 Like
This is my experience of grief: It’s not that the pain gets less, it’s more that you start to enjoy other parts of life as well as the pain.
With other losses I’ve noticed that after awhile I’ve realised I’ve only cried every other day, or felt sad without bursting into tears. Then it might be once a week etc. Eventually you can talk about them without crying, just feel sad.
I’m in the raw part atm as my Mum died two weeks ago tomorrow and I’m struggling today. I started talking about the eulogy and that set me off and I’ve felt crap all evening.
I do know though, that I also have hours at a time when I feel normal and can distract myself.
We will recover one day. Sending healing hugs x
1 Like
Tricia
I take heart in what you have said. Like Andy I wonder if this crushing immense pain will ever ease, not so I forget as that could never happen but to simply take the pressure off my broken heart and exhausted body.
Going forward I aim to protect myself from ever loving again, as to lose a love is just to painful.
I know we don’t necessarily plan our life’s but to have lost twice must have been so hard.
If I could sleep, a dreamless sleep, and only wake so much further down the line, to wake with no heavy heart, I would be so grateful.
But I’m hoping that when people say things will get easier, I’m praying this is so the case.
Dee xxx
1 Like
Spuffycat
I’m sorry to hear of the loss of your mum. My parents are well in to the nineties and every day with them is a blessing.
Thank you for your thoughts of grief. I digest everything that will possibly help
Take care
Dee xxx
1 Like
Dee
No problem, I haven’t got a magic bullet but I am a counsellor so keep reaching out…I’m a treasure trove of ideas! Everyone is different, some things help, done don’t.
I like the support here, I feel I can splurge it all here. We will 100% get better in time but it’s a rollercoaster ride of emotions for us.
Therapisaid.com has some good guides on grief.
Andy - sending you a hug and keep believing it will get better, it really will and we’re all suffering you are not alone. We’re here to walk alongside you x
Hi Andy I have lost my husband twelve weeks ago to cancer quite suddenly but the reason I’m replying is that my nephew who suffered mental ill health for about ten years took his own life at the age of twenty three and although I was there for my sister, I could only watch her devastation such desperation because it’s a very complicated grief with many deep dimensions and after three years of absolute emotional hell for her and for us watching unable to ease her pain it’s taken another four years for her to be able to function or live any semblance of life but she is very quiet and withdrawn, I know she did access sobs group which she found helpful and this is online now, be kind to yourself it’s still early on in your grief and even for me I know there has to be something to hope for, just need to get up every day and hopefully we’ll all find some peace we’re all in this together lots love and hugs xx
1 Like
I am really struggling. I’ve had to move back home, and the grief is agony at the moment.
I’m clearing out Mums things, I have to as I need some space but it’s very, very hard.
I opened the cupboard and it smells of her scent; heartbreaking.
The pain is like nothing I have ever experienced.
Logically I know I will recover but right now it feels never ending 
1 Like