Grief feels like it will destroy me

Since losing my husband late Feb, I wake up every day thinking that I just can’t do another day of this. I’m sick at the moment with a cold and trying to look after my kids. I wake up and I think that this life is impossible and I cannot carry on like this for one more minute. I just have no idea how to get through this. I cannot imagine ever feeling well enough to go back to work and I cannot see a future for just me and the kids. I don’t see anything that can make it better.

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I know. I’ve done 8 weeks of this and can’t see a way out either. I don’t think anyone has an answer. We simply need to make that decision to carry on day after day, until maybe someday it will feel a little bit better. I cant imagine it.

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@Carria - first and foremost I’m sorry for your loss. Like you I’m in the very early weeks of losing my wife and I remain clueless about life now. My son is grown up so I have different parenting needs I suspect from you but ultimately they keep us going simply because they need us. Is it enough? I don’t know but it’s a start. Others on this forum have and will recognise the things you’ve said, the directionless, purposelessness and just lost I suppose. There is no quick or easy fix, believe me I’ve looked everywhere and have yet to find one. My house is dominated by my wife’s decoration of the place, belongings and just her spirit - no idea what to do about that as I don’t want to lose that sense of her but today rather than it be a comforting warmth its a bright piercing light at the moment. I take each day in three’s, get through the morning, the afternoon and the evening. I find the morning and evenings the hardest at the time of writing. I wish I could offer more, others may well be able to by sharing their journey, but at this moment I completely get where you are at. First Easter Sunday without my wife, none of the crazy decorations she would’ve put up, none of the hidden eggs for our grown up son to find (she loved that he’d play along) - jeez it’s hard. Right I just wanted to reach out and let you know you are in the right place and just take things each hour, each morning, each day at a time. Kevin

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I lost my partner in December. I’m going through similar emotions, although I have no kids, it’s just me.
I’m trying to remember what he said about getting on with life, filling up the calendar with ‘fun and shenanigans’ but it seems a bit pointless when he’s not there to share it with.
I know that things may change, I’ll have better days and worse days, but for all the reasons I promised him, I won’t let my grief be all consuming forever.
I hope you find strength in your family :heart:

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I lost my husband at the beginning of February and my all consuming fear is being without him maybe for years. Im 73 nearly 74, we had been together for almost 60 years since we were 15. My mum is still alive at 99 in a care home, i dont want to live that long, in fact i feel like i want to go to sleep and not wake up!! My three sons and friends would be very upset, i know its probably selfish of me to think that way.

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Not at all , I lost my wife 3 weeks ago at only 57 , we have 2 kids 23 & 18 yet I’m still having feelings of wanting to go with my wife , even though I know the devastation it would cause the kids and my parents / family / friends etc .
The thought I could have another 20-30 years to live without my wife fills me full of horror

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@Miniaturist5 You’re not alone with those feelings.
I do wonder ‘what’s the point?’ but I promised Nigel I would go on those adventures we’d planned…and I try to never make a promise I can’t keep.
We will carry on because our partners/husbands/wives would want us to…
Today we might not feel that way, tomorrow or the next day we might feel differently…
Hugs x

Hi @Miniaturist5 ,

I’m so sorry to hear about your husband.

It sounds like you’re looking for support and I’m glad that you’ve been able to talk about how you’re feeling here. We know that a lot of people experience suicidal thoughts when they are grieving. We have a video about it here which you might find helpful:

https://griefguide.sueryder.org/support/suicide

There is lots of other support out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling.

  • If these thoughts of suicide become overwhelming, please call 999 or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.

  • Samaritans are available 24/7 to talk about anything that you are worried about in confidence. You can call them on 116 123.

  • Shout are contactable by text, 24/7. You can text REMEDY to 85258 and talk to them about anything.

  • You can also find your local NHS urgent mental health helpline.

Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: sueryder.org/counselling.

You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.

You deserve care and support so please, get in touch with one of these services.

Take care,
Alex

Thanks for the information. I dont want to commit suicide, i couldn’t do it because of my faith in Jesus and i know the devastation caused by it. My husbands sister was 33 when she took her life in 1978, my husband took it badly and used to have panic attacks etc. It changed his life so much. Its just the feeling that life’s not worth living without our loved ones by our side.

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I’m sorry for all of your losses. Those early raw and all consuming days, weeks and months will ease in time. The days do become less all consuming and the pain does subside. Time will never erase what we have been through but we learn to live with it and adjust to it and dare I say, behind to enjoy life again. Life as we know it changes beyond recognition but new days do come, life goes on even when we don’t want it to.
The darkness of our thoughts, the questions, the what ifs, what now, is a common theme and answers will come to you as you go through the days, weeks and months. Unfortunately, there is no easy way out of this situation, you just have to walk gently through the days. This site is great for support, new friendships and helpful on this journey that you are going on. Best wishes.

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