Grief from a long term missing person case

Hi all, I’m new to the group, I lost my ex partner, the father of my son, a great friend and co-parent when he vanished off the face of the earth 5 years ago this month. My son and I have been to hell and back with the ‘is he dead, isn’t he dead situation.
Although we had separated my ex and I remained good friends, sharing life as parents to our son, he was 15 when his Dad went missing.
I’m not sure why only now I find I need to connect with others who have experienced loss, but i guess it’s finally hit me that he has gone. I have spent 5 years searching, battling against police and gathering evidence as myself and everyone around us believe my ex was a victim of a crime. my experiences are unique I know.
The way I feel now can be described as damaged. I have managed to maintain a level of normality among the absolute chaos that has been now for too long, holding on to my career, holding my boy together and praying for answers, closure and even a body.
The best quote I have ever read was ‘’ from the outside looking in it is hard to imagine, and from the inside looking out it is hard to describe’’.
This immense journey has changed my soul, I don’t like it, and at times I feel it’s made me somehow a better person.
I would love to connect with anyone in a similar situation, or just to chat to anyone who knows what it is to survive when your world came crashing down in that blink of an eye, much love x


Hi @miczack14,

I’m so sorry to hear about your ex-partner. It sounds like you’ve gone through so much with not knowing and supporting your son. You might find this article on ambiguous loss comforting to read.

I’m glad that you’ve been able to share how you are feeling here and I hope that you find the community a good source of support.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that may help you right now.

If you’re not already in touch with them, you might also want to contact Missing People. They should be able to connect you with others who are in a similar situation to you.

Take care - keep reaching out,


Gosh I can’t even imagine what you are going through, to have no answers or any kind of closure. I hope you find out what happened to him soon. I can only imagine the things that must be going through your mind :broken_heart:

Hi miczack14
I am so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine what you have been and still going through. I always feel so sorry for people that lose a loved one in this way.
I have no personal experience but a local teenager did disappear some years ago and although there was a sighting that day of him he has never been seen since. Years later his mother is stll trying to get answers just as you are.
I really do hope that one day you do get those answers.

Do feel for you and your son. When I suddenly lost my son, he had gone on holiday abroad, where he died - he left and never returned home. I remembee shortly after, i saw a double page spread of photos of offspring that were missing, it really effected me as I thought their loved ones are in pergatory not knowing where they are and tortured by all the scensrios. I have recently lost my husband and am heartsore for you and sincerely hope someone who has experience of your situation comes forward to empathise with you. Take care x

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