Grief, guilt

Coping with bereavement
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Hi,
I lost my mum this month to illness. I am struggling to cope with the loss. Grief and guilt has engulfed my life.
I was with mum during her last month of hospitalisation. I wish I had seen that she was not responding to the treatment that well and I wish I had taken her to different Dr. I wish I made better choices to save her life. I wish I wasn’t such nerve rake when she needed me the most. My wrong decision has let her to go at the age of 72. I wish I had listen to someone who said change Dr. I trusted this Dr as he recovered her previously so stayed with him.
I don’t know how I am going to get over this guilt.

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Hello Rayofhope,

I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about your mum. A lot of people experience guilt as part of grief. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support. In the meantime, you may wish to look at these Sue Ryder resources which might be helpful.

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,
Rhi

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So sorry for your loss. U r amazing to have stayed and spent time with ur mum. It’s normal to blame urself and feel guilty. It’s part of grief. U always analyse and look back but hun u loved her and u did the best u could at the time.
Be kind to urself
She trusted u to do the best u could and u did.
Easier said than done but u will drive urself crazy and that’s not what she would have wanted
Believe me I know how u feel
Sending u a big hug

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I’m finding it very difficult to deal with the loss of my granny, sounds stupid I’m 43 but she was more of a mother to me than my own mother)her daughter) was. I always promised her I would take care of her and I did EVERYTHING I could for my lady but she made me promise I would never put her in a care home and I did. I feel guilty every day for that and she died alone, she used to shout my name in the night and I wasn’t there and I can never forgive myself for letting her down

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Hi Emma I’m soo sorry for your loss
People ask us to care for them and we do. We do the best we can. I’m sure it wasn’t something u did lightly. It’s a big decision and I’m sure u did what u thought was best. Most care homes, hospitals or hospices can usually tell u a few hours or days before that someone is declining and then u can choose to be with them or not. It’s not always the case or sometimes u don’t have enough time to get there. It’s not nice them telling u she died by herself. At st Christopher’s where my daughter was they have someone with u even just to hold ur hand if they can so they don’t die alone. U can only do what u can. Part of guilt is that we look back and feel bad often for things that are out of our control.
Try not to be hard on urself