Grief help too soon

I lost my son five weeks ago this weekend, suddenly. I have asked three suggested places for help now and they have all said it’s too soon.
I find this very sad and frustrating.
I think i will try and get a private counsellor to help me. Compassionate friend’s surprised me saying it was too soon. How do they know how each individual person feels?

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When my husband died 18 weeks ago I was told it was too early for me to get help from the local hospice. He had died at home which was the only saving grace. I totally disagree with 'its too early" someone you love has died, early on you need as much help as possible.If you can get a private counsellor I’d say do it. Any help any time is so helpful


Thank you, i am sorry for your loss of your husband.
I agree, we are all different and have unique needs of emotional support.
Probably the reality is they’re too busy!


Yes companionate friend said 3 months to me soon, I think its because of the traumatic nature of my sons death. I had a private counselling session this week as a holding session as she bereavement and I will probably need more specialist counselling later, though not sure if its suitable as she just sat and listened and I said pretty much what I write down every day, so didn’t come away feeling any better, it was just a room to cry in for 50 mins.


Taff thank you.
I feel ok at sone moments during the day whike im watching tv and thrn a blubbering mess thr next.
I am sure crying helps me and ive cried a river.
I know nithing will the large hole he has kedt in my life ur i feel a strength in my heart that is u ndescribabke and im sure its cining from his strength in life which i take confirt from.
Ihad one counselling session a xouple of weeks ago but like yours, she just listened.
Will probably have anither one when i feel ready.
Swnding hugs to you.

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Hi, sorry for the pain of grief that has prompted your post. In the raw early days of a death you’re still trying to process the shock of what’s happened so I believe counselling, in terms of moving forward would be too much to bear. If counselling is going to be successful you need the capacity to reflect and evaluate your emotions, with a view to understanding the reasons behind them. Some people seem to think that counselling will somehow resolve their feelings and reduce their grief. Mostly counselling provides a safe space for the expression of emotions, someone to listen without fear of judgement or awkwardness. I’m not an expert, but having been through grief in several forms over the years, it’s certainly possible to do a lot of reflection on your own before seeking counselling support. There’s a lot of advice and guidance both online and in specific books. Best wishes xx

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I lost my son 9 weeks ago in a van fire he was 34 and i feel every single mothers pain in losing a chid. I try and just take each day as it comes but im constantly crying and feel so much pain inside .peoole have started to vanish abit now and i dont hear much from anyone now just feel so alone

Hi Sue, unfortunately many of us have seen support drop off, for me it was after the funeral. So its been 9 weeks since ive seen any neighbours, or so called friends. I get message on Facebook posts here for you, but i feel like saying but you are not youve not come to see me. These boards help with the loneliness and we all understand the loss of a child which others dont. Keep chatting on these boards. Sorry for the loss of your son

Yes i agree with you. After Aaron’s funeral the same happened to me and its been a couple of weeks now since ive seen anyone. I get the odd message now and again and i feel totally abandoned. I went back to work on Saturday night as i only do 2 shifts a week at the hospital but i spent most of my time breaking down crying my work colleagues are just so lovely but they have their own lives and i dont like to burden them. I love my job but my mind is on Aaron

I actually am so glad that i joined this community gtoup as i dont feel so alone now and i can talk to people that feel the same way im feeling and thinking


I didn’t know there was a reason why counselling is not immediately available.
I think those first weeks of losing a child are unbearable, we all grieve in different ways and we reach certain points at different times but I really think we all need help from the minute we ask for it.
I lost my daughter 7 weeks ago, I still can’t face seeing anyone, I have 4 people who share my grief and I don’t want to let anyone else in at the moment. Not sure if I ever will but I’m ok with that.
I still have complete break downs every day and I am still very much in denial, still think she’s coming home and she’s just out with her boyfriend.

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Yes i feel as though ive buried someone else and he will be walking down the drive coming to see us and the CID would say we have made a huge mistake. My grandson whos 7 cries for his daddy and his baby from his girlfriend is born in 2cweeks

I am so sorry for the loss of your precious son .

I lost my son suddenly 16 weeks ago so understand .

This loss is all consuming so we can’t think of anything else .

Maybe take some more time off work if you are struggling .

It’s still very early days so don’t expect too much of yourself .

Take it day by day


Thankyou so much for your lovely message. I just take each day as it comes and the hospital have always said if i cant cope or anything then to come home. This is my lifeline at this moment in time for support and for people to understand everything that im going through because we are all going through this. Xxx