I lost my mum in January and I’m still in complete shock. I knew what the outcome of her cancer diagnosis would be, but I just can’t seem to come to terms with the fact I will never see her again. Seeing my dad crumble and not wanting to carry on is breaking my heart and knowing how horrendous grief is scares me for losing him too. Every day I wake up willing this ache in my heart to go away.
Thank you for for those words, I never understood until going through it myself just how hard grief is. I know it’s part of life but it’s one that’s the biggest struggle ever. 
It’s been a year today since dad left us and what a rollercoaster it has been. We had some notice it was going to happen but it was still quick. We take comfort in being able to spend time in the hospital with him and that he could come home. Something we know most families going through this would not now have.
Keep moving forward no matter how small your step is and take care of those around you would be my advice. Some days are worse than others and the worry for your surviving parent doesn’t go away. You can’t make unfortunately take their pain away but letting them shout and cry helps.