I lost my beautiful mum almost 10 months ago and I thought that I would be coping better than I am .Everyday I feel as if I’ve lost her again as new memories sweep over me. I keep a journal in which I write to her and stick photos of her time here with us and that does help me feel a connection. I talk to her out loud every day and imagine her response . I have her and my dads ashes in a teddy bear ( with a wee letter to both of them and a photo of both of them and my mums nightgown rolled up )which is sprayed with her perfume and gets hugged to bits
At first it felt like I just hadn’t seen her for a while but now it’s a reality that she’s never coming back and the pain of that is so intense It wasn’t just about losing mum but about losing a part of me altogether as the childhood home, my sanctuary, also went with her . It’s coming up for 5 years since I lost my dad too so my emotions are all over the place . I cannot put into words how it feels to lose both parents……it’s so overwhelming at times. That unconditional love has gone forever.The safety blanket that was always wrapped around me …gone . My mum was my person, my best friend , my go to ! I feel like a different person now .I know she would want me to move on and be happy and I am to a point but I just can’t shake the grief and deep pain I feel whenever I think about her . I’m 57 now and am so grateful to have had her for so long but it’s like they say . They get to spend the rest of their lives with you but you don’t get to spend the rest of your life with them ! That hurts so bad . I love you mum & dad and I am jealous of the Angels x
Thank you for sharing this, @Margot56 - I think many of our members will relate to how you’re feeling. Our parents being a a safety blanket is something I’m sure will resonate with others 
I just wanted to give your thread a gentle bump and let you know that you have been heard, and are not alone.
Take care,
Seaneen