Grief is so overwhelming

I lost my best friend and soul mate October 2016 to cancer. We were so very close and we would spend most days together and many happy holidays\day trips had and always laughing together. I have so many precious memories. I feel as though since that day a light has gone out in me, I’m am still struggling to accept the fact he is no longer here and I am fed up of faking a smile day in day out. I am bordering on depression. I have taken the first step today and booked my first grief counselling session. I feel that if I do not do something quick I am going to lose my mind completely as some days this heartache is just too much to bear. I feel empty and so alone, even though I have friends but they just don’t understand how I’m truly feeling. How could they when I can’t even rationalise how I am feeling. Any advice would be so welcomed. I need to get out from under thie dark cloud

Im sorry to hear that as the dsame thing happened to me too. I odnt have family and my friends are all scattered - I just dont know how to move forward I miss him so much he wasnt only my best friend he was my rock I am depressed also and really dont know what to do either-it sounds as if you have plenty of friends -could you get a voluntary job maybe?

Hi B, did you go to the counselling session? You sound that you need help and there are lots of different councillors if the first don’t gel. I do hope you are feeling a little better, it’s very difficult, this life without our soul mates. Please let me know how you are getting on.

I have just lost my wife to cancer, until she picked up this cruel disease she was very fit and healthy, she did all the right things. It would have been our 50th wedding anniversary next year. I am absolutely devastated, and can really identify with Bonnie. I am also considering counciling. My grieve comes in waves, and I still cant accept that I will never see her again. We have spent all of our adult lives together, and I can’t bear the thought that she will miss so much, there was so much to live for. We had a very active life, and there was so much for us to enjoy. Sorry Bonnie, I’m not offering advice, I’m just sharing my experience which seems to be very similar to what you are going through.

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Cliff, Yes, we are all in the same ‘boat’, the awful truth is that life goes on and we have to get through it one way or the other. Nobody tells you what it will be like and that’s no wonder when you feel low. Do think about counciling and alternative therapy’s because we do need help and it is out there and please remember there is no stigma, you are the brave one saying “help me”. 50 years is a long time and it takes time to get use to being on your own. We had been married just 45 years when my lovely John went and it’s hard, every day I talk to him because I need too, then I think I am going mad but so what, it helps me and that’s is what counts. Be brave and strong because we have to. The other piece of advise is to keep busy, plan each day with things to do, that reminds me to get things out for tomorrow.
Love and blessings.

Hi Cliff, grief does come in waves. One minute I can be fine, then the next in floods of tears. It only takes a memory to trigger tears. I too can’t accept that I won’t see him again. He brought so much light into my life. He wasn’t my partner but my best friend. We did so much together, he too had so much to live for. I feel cheated that he was taken too soon, when he should have had so much time left. I feel I will never accept him going. He was the light of my life, as I am sure was your lovely wife the light in your life too. We will get through this somehow, someway. Thinking of you

Hi Kris, I do have friends but trying to explain feelings to them isn’t easy. They really do not or would i expect them to understand how it feels. All they say is you must really miss him or it will get better with time. He wasn’t just my best friend he was my rock too so completely understand what you are saying. He filled every single day with sunshine and the day he went my world turned dark. I pray il get through this. I do believe in the afterlife and convinced we will meet again. It’s just this emptiness feeling that I somehow hope will go eventually

I think I need to find a new purpose in life, I can play more golf, and go fishing more often, but this in no way substitutes for what we had together. It’s less than a month since Sandra passed away, everyone says it will become easier, we’ll see. I’m still trying to decide what to do with all of her belongings, I can’t decide whether it’s best to hang on to most things, or have a clear out. I guess that I just have to take time, perhaps get some counselling, has anyone found this useful.

Cliff, give yourself time and be kind to yourself. When the time is right for you, then clear little bit by little bit, drawer at a time because it is hard.
Counselling is very useful, I did go but I felt all I did was cry which helped but then I came home to an empty house which really got to me. I found Reiki and aromatherapy more useful and then I got myself a cat. Each to our own and you have to try to find out. Do have a go at anything because something will help and yes that wave can be so large at times, it does get less. They say time is an healer, I am waiting but I do think I have better days. Sandra will always be with you, watching and waiting, well that is how I see it but I think I have to otherwise life would not be worth it.
Bless you. S

Hi, I’ve just come thru the full on depression stage, I lost my soul to cancer twice, my dad and my partner… I threw myself into a job I couldn’t abide, and 6 yes later after trying to be strong, I became unsociable, a prisoner to my grief and hurt, I just couldn’t engage with anyone… Dark days became the norm… My advice take all the help you can, put yr trust in one person you wholey trust with absolutely everything, as they will be your saviour, absolutely, try not to push people who care away… Its a normal reaction to withdraw, just don’t cut the ties that bind… Now you’re getting help, it may ease your handling of your issues… Hang in there it does get easier to cope with after therapy . xxxx

Hello Bonniequeen, I can imagine how you are feeling, its difficult I know. I lost my wife of almost 45 years whilst on holiday in Portugal last June. I have two great daughters two grandchildren and family. But yes you are quite right. Nights and morning are difficult but try and get out during the day. Visit towns and try and get with people more. When you are feeling down just think if the situation had been reversed what would you have wanted your friend to do. Its hard to smile all the time especially when you are on your own. But you are not alone people are thinking about you for sure. We are as we are all in the same boat. Well you wouldn’t get me in a boat, I don’t like them. Yes you can smile at the thought of me on a boat. Right well from me drive on and keep your pecker up. Its helped me sending you this. derek

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Hi Bonniequeen, I also have lost my wife to cancer 10 months ago. We had a close relationship as you did. I also find it hard especially when Freinds say your doing so well, but they don’t know the despair once you close the door. I only see them when it suits them and I do understand they have their own lives. My sons and their family both live away (one in America) but they do their best to stay in touch. I can have days of being in control of my emotions and then days when I’m very emotional. I have decided to accept every invitation and turn nothing down. I have joined a number of social groups I.e. Table tennis, a bowling club and I have continued to play golf each week. Joining these groups has lead me to meet new people and go to social events. It is still hard to think this is how it’s going to be without the love of my life and I can’t think it’s going to get much easier over the coming months.

I hope counselling helps you to come to terms with your loss.

Kind regards,

Hi Bonnie queen what you are describing is just how I feel, I lost my partner June 2017, he was my life, my soul mate, I have not had any grief counselling can not face having to talk about it. I have joined a coffee morning to get me out and meet new people. Be strong and try getting out a bit more live elaine x