I feel the same, I was so happy I had my family I had everything. Now my mam is gone I feel like I have nothing. Happiness is the new wealth and im as poor as can be xx
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I think I am poor too. My birthday is in December, but I don’t want anything, because my really gift is impossible to get. Anyway, I am not interested in anything, I feel I don’t have big emotions, I don’t hope, I don’t wait anything. We are poor. It is a little good that we understand each other. 
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My dad had a stroke last year December, and after that he was difficult to walk. Instead of this he didn’t have any healh problem, but we had to go to doctors, hospitals to check the heart etc. When he wasn’t in life danger, he already talked about the meaning of life, and he planned hwhere to buried etc. I think, he felt something in his visceral, inwards. But I think, I felt sg as well, because I was like him, in the late times, when his general feeling was bad, I had to lie on the bed as well, it was difficult to breath, I had inner voice about his death… But I had hope, I thought, we will survive, like from the other illness we got out earlier. But I survived alone. I am sorry to write so much, but I feel I have to. 
Hi apu I’m sorry for your loss.I wish I’d talked to my mum about death after her stroke whilst she was in hospital.My mum had her stroke at the end of November and we all just tried to be positive and really hope for the best.Sometimes we won the battle but didn’t win the war.Covid made that war even harder because i think stroke patients need their family around them it helps them to keep going but we were only allowed to visit when she was basically dying.I told myself my mother was going to survive because it would be unimaginable without her.We only knew her wishes from what she said in the past but I wish we’d known what she wanted.
Im so sorry.That is one of my biggest regrets.We didn’t go on holiday or we never took family photos together.You just think there’s always tomorrow why take photos but what I’ve learnt from this things can be as normal as ever and then things aren’t and never will be.I don’t have one photo of me and my mum together which breaks my heart.
Aw that’s heartbreaking. I know u think why take photos and just live in the moment. It was my mam that said take more photos xx
Thank you.I took photos of everyone else but hardly any of my mother.Just thought shed always be here.My father did though so that’s somethingxx
We have photos, but I think, not enough. If we have got a video record, we can take a photo from it - I think. And if any other person took photo from us, it may be appear sometimes. I am trying to grasp sg, hang on sg.
I’m sorry.Hope things get better for you soon as much as they can.The first few months for me i was just unbelievably devastated constantly crying.Its still extremely hard time doesn’t help but it does heal you a bit.The world keeps going on.Even though that is heart breaking because you want it to stop.
You are not alone xx
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Dear StarHeart, thank you very much your kind words. Thank you that you make me feel I am not alone. Sending you hugs.
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That’s exactly how I feel and I felt xx
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I got up and I realized, that nobody else would call me “my little daughter” like my dad did, because my mum calls me on my name. It’s another thing which hits me. Yes, grief is worse at night, in the morning, in the evening, any time.
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It definitely hurts, I know what u mean …the little things like that. Me and my Mam used to text every morning…good morning are u up, then every night she’d text before she went to bed telling me she loved me and the dog. I’d obviously see her through the day but I do miss the caring checking up texts. I used to text her and tell her randomly that I loved her so she knew how much she was loved. I told her on the Monday before passed, I was just making her dinner and said love u Mam…she always called me hen lol she said love u too hen. Now no one checks up on me asks how I am or what I’m doing, no one carers like she did. It’s getting harder this time of year…people that said they’d be there don’t bother unless I contact them. I feel like cutting myself off from the world, locking myself away just me and my dogs and getting on with stuff solo, because that’s how I feel at moment. I don’t want anyone but my mam. No one can make it right for me and I can’t be bothered with peoples half hearted efforts. I can’t be bothered with anyone or anything at the moment, no motivation…neither drawn to one thing or another, just numb stuck in no mans land. Must be the next stage of grief ( sorry to go on a bit) xxx
Emma, I am crying and understand what you have written. The little things what made our whole life perfect. I told my dad ‘I love you’ a lot, but I can’t accept that I can’t any more tell this into his eyes. The missing messages, phone calls - I feel I don’t take after him now. I don’t call my “friends”, relatives (only my mum, of course), I don’t want to be with anybody, like you say
Just going my tears, and I feel with you and myself, and everybody who is suffering. I never ever did want to live without my dad.
U feel like there always going to be here…wish I could go bk to the start of the year when everything was normal as it should be. Life definitely is cruel, it’s people like us left behind that suffer. A pet hate is when people tell u to accept it and move on…no I’ll do that in my own time when I decide I’m ready. My Mam lost her Mam 14 years ago she never got over it and still missed her every day. Even tho my mam had me who she adored it didn’t takeaway the heart break of loosing her own Mam, even tho I was there for my mam it obviously wasn’t enough or the same for her. Now I totally understand what she felt xxx
Me and my mom are suffering next to each other, and we can’t replace in each other’s heart the person who died.
Other people should say nothing if they can’t say what doesn’t hurt.
Life is too short - my dad said, how quickly disappeared… it is very, very sad, our shared time disappeared. I hope there will be a time, when we can smile and laugh when we remember these shared times, but now, my heart is falling apart when I am thinking of it.
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U and ur mam are the same as me and my dad
We both lost a special person but u will be grieving different to ur mam…because it was ur dad and her partner. Me and my dad grieved on different levels…different times. It’s sad now we don’t talk about any of it 8 months on xxx
You don’t want to bother your dad, I don’t want to bother my mum too much. But I am a talking person, my dad was too, but my mum talks not too much. She has bad dreams when I talk too much to her about my dad. And I have a sister, who is grieving different as well…
That’s exactly right, my Mam was the talker…dad not so much. The longer it goes on the harder it is to talk xx
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Message me privately if u want, always here to talk xx