Grief is worse at night

It’s coming closer to the date my mother had her stroke which was the end of November and its going to be 9 months since she died next week.Im just exhausted I’m tired of the same feelings everyday.Even though it has gotten easier than it was.Its still a battle everyday.I just want my mum,I want to talk to her.I want to tell her what’s been happening in the last 9 months.I just want my old normal back. These feelings are worse at night.


I am so sorry to hear if your loss. Your mum was of no age to die. It takes time to get over these losses. Do you have any other family other than your son? Have you considered counselling?
I wish you well. Keep us up to date with your posts.

Thank you Tricia.I have my dad and brother but the rest of my family wasn’t close.My mum had two sisters but we haven’t heard from them since the funeral.I havent spoken to them in years only once at my mums funeral My mum was in contact with them now and again.They are the closest people i have to my mum so it is hard that I can’t talk to them about her.
My mum was the oldest.I was going to try grief counselling but the group was too far away to get too.

Hi starHeart I totally agree with how you are feeling I too find the days a struggle I’m always so tired and exhausted, I think of my mum all day every day wanting her back, finding it hard to accept she has gone I lost her in July this year within just a little over 6 weeks of diagnosis, I’m starting counselling on the 11th November ( day before my birthday) which I know will be tough my two brothers and my dad don’t talk about their feelings they just get on with their day but I have two supportive daughters, no one can prepare you for losing a loved one its the hardest thing I have ever been through and I’m 58, see if you can get counselling on here or with cruse it may be something to think about
Take care
Lynn x

I know how u feel, same with my mam. She passed on a Wednesday so at first it was every Wednesday I just could not function at all properly, not that any other day is any better. It’s been 8 months on Wednesday coming. I feel it’s every 3rd of the month when she passed, it hits me again like a kick in the gut. A punch in the heart, a reminder she’s not here. It’s so hard. Xx

Thank you.It always hits me at times when I’m not expecting it to.Todays been hard and I don’t even know why.I suppose not being able to show my mother my sons Halloween costume.She always came over on Saturdays so she would have seen him all dressed up and we would have watched the strictly Halloween special together.I just feel so alone sometimes.I hate that I dont have a mother anymore and I can’t believe it’s nearly 9 months since she passed.

Thank you i have tried to get counselling.I would have preferred one to one but the list was too long.They only could do group support.My mother died at 52 and I’m 34 i was 33 when she died and it feels too young to lose my mum.Theres so much she is and will be missing out on.Life is so short but when your left behind it’s long too.If she would have been older like in her 70s it would have still been really hard but at least we would have had more time together.She would have seen her grandson grow up.He was only 8 when she died it’s just unfair.

I feel the same, I’m 35 my mam was 62…I wish I had of had at least 10 more years with her. Like u say it wouldn’t of been any easier but at least I’d of had more time with her. I feel it at night too often when everything is quiet, crying into my pillow at night. People say I’m strong but no one sees me suffering crying behind closed doors. U never know when the wave of grief will come over u. Ur like me u think about all the happy times and what u would be doing with ur mam. Nearly 8 months …::.i just can’t imagine in time saying oh it’s been 5 years for my mam…or 8 years for my mam so hard and unbearable to think. The more time that’s gone past I don’t want her to be ever forgotten or that i won’t feel as strong about it then as I do now, because I will.
What I find hard aswell and this will happen to everyone…when someone close dies u get all ur friends or family rally round n everyone always says I’m here for u if u need anything give me a shout I’m always here…then since then one by one they all drift off again and ur left on ur own just like before but this time harder because I’ve got this to deal with. I didn’t care who I had around before because my mam was my best friend and she was always there for me. 8 month on I feel really alone…like standing on my own waving a white flag saying I’m still here…still going through the same things. Where the people who said they’d be there are all just getting on with their life, the world has moved on while I’m stuck in the same place on my own. So I don’t push people now or bother with them if they want me they know where I am, I’ll be here in the same place. Days are hard dealing with things on my own but I often think, another day gone is another day I’m closer to being bk with my mam :heart::heart: Xx

No one knows you or will care for you like your mum , I wasn’t very well last week and I just wanted to speak to my mum and tell her how I was feeling and for her to be that caring and loving mum as she always was and I couldn’t for the first time in my life and it hit me that I cant ever do that again :pensive: those people that just disappear when they think you are or should be over it show their true colours I have a sister in law that on the day of my mums funeral nearly 3 months ago left and said you know where we are !!! No phone call to see how I’m doing hasn’t even been to see my dad since that day, but I’m the same I’m not bothered about her and from now on she knows where I am!!! I look after my dad and take a bit of comfort in hoping mum is looking down and seeing I’m doing my best for him I miss her every single day and life is tough, its raw and its emotionally draining but I hope I’ll see her again, take care everyone.
Lynn xx

Thank you your message helped so much knowing I’m not alone and knowing I’m not the only one feeling this way.I just wish we all didnt have to go through this but that’s life it happens to everyone eventually.I am thankful that we all have this place to talk and help each other.Sometimes I find it hard to cry but I’ve cried so much over the last nearly 9 months I don’t know if I have any tears left.I can’t listen to sad music though especially music without words it gets me every time and Christmas songs.I don’t know how ill get through this Christmas.People say it’s just one day but for me it’s not it’s all the build up to it.Having to show happiness and put a smile on your face when your dying inside.
Take care I’m always here if you need a chat☺

Thank you Lynn.Im sorry you haven’t been very well.I just feel like I have to just be so strong and just get on with everything but I really don’t want to.I miss my mum when I’m not feeling well too even just to ask me how I am and if I need anything.I also lost my grandfather this year a month after my mum and he was nearly 84 and I miss him too even though we weren’t close he’d always send me a Christmas or birthday card.Ill miss that this year.Losing someone just leaves the biggest hole in your life.It is just unfair.Take care here if you need a chat❤

Yeah, we are not having a Xmas this year I just can’t be bothered with it. Like u say it’s the run up to it that will get me more than the day, Xmas eve especially. If tears could bring her home…she’d be home by now. Tears just come from no where at times. I have listened to some sad songs but the words are just so fitting. I did find it hard to get my emotions out at one point so the songs kind of helped with that.
U know how u go through stages like the first 2 month I had adrenaline then next few month I just didn’t know where I was half the days couldn’t think straight just stuck in limbo waiting for a bit time to pass. Now 8 month n I’m like…what now? I don’t feel like I have a life it’s just an existence. I don’t want to move on as people say. I’ll never accept it. I just want her back. Life is cruel and crap . Here if u need to talk. I’m finding it helpful on this group talking to people who know what I’m going through xx

I wish I didn’t have to celebrate Christmas.Im trying to keep things as normal as I can for my son so it is going to be really hard but whatever I do it’s coming so I suppose I’ll deal with it when I have to.I know what you mean about the adrenaline in the first 2 months after that I went into a severe depression that I never thought I’d come through.I really didn’t want to be here anymore for a while.Sometimes I still feel like this.Life is so exhausting.I still feel like I’m living in a never ending nightmare.I still can’t believe my mum is gone.It still doesn’t feel real even after nearly 9 monthsxx

Same thing happened to me, had the adrenaline then really bad depression. I still can’t believe it either. Sometimes I’ve got to stop myself from thinking about it like thinking too much into it. Just too upsetting and I don’t want the realisation.
Yeah u have to still give ur son a nice Xmas even tho u don’t feel like celebrating. I’ve got no one to do Xmas for. My Mam liked Xmas so we did it for her put trees up etc I’m not putting one up this year or buying gifts for ppl just don’t want to take part in it. Anxiety too bad to go to shops n got enough on my mind. Ur son will get u through it. I can’t help but think how crap the future will be, every year will be a rollercoaster mainly full of downs every time u hit an anniversary. No more family holidays :pensive: nothing is ever the same. I really struggle some days as feel like I’m really on my own …well I am on my own. My mam was my pick me up n I was hers. Every time I was down n needing motivation there she was helping me physically and mentally like no one else could. Now I feel constantly on the ground. We understood each other like no one else, inside out, I could tell her anything. Now all of that support is gone. Find myself bottling stuff up feels like a big heavy sack on my back. Xxx

My mum wasn’t a big fan of Christmas.After she got ill it wasn’t the same.I wouldn’t normally see her on Christmas day she use to come up on boxing day to see my son and me.
Went to the supermarket today and there was so much to do with Christmas.It was really hard.
It was the date mum died on Tuesday so went up to visit her.Shes buried in a natural burial site.My mum did want to be cremated but I couldn’t handle it,it was too much,so we gave her a natural burial instead because she loved nature.It is a reaĺly peaceful place to visit.It still feels so wrong that she’s there and not here though.Im sorry your not going to have your mum there with you for Christmas.I wish I didn’t have to take part in it.Im going to try and make it special for my son.It is already giving me anxiety.I still can’t get my head around that my mum’s never going to be here for Christmas again.xx

I’m not looking forward to Christmas this year, my mum loved having her little decorations up and enjoyed Christmas, I know I’ll do my best to get through it but if I’m truly honest I’ll be glad when it’s over, I have a grandson who will be a year old next week and my birthday is the day before so another anniversary for me to get through, my dads birthday is the week after mine so his first one too without mum😔 it’s hard going into shops were there is Christmas stuff all around you, I went into one last week and it got to me that mums not here to enjoy it, you will never experience this pain until you lose a loved one, its comforting to come on here and know your not alone in your struggles, take care everyone
Lynn x

1 Like

I know… not here for Xmas again. What will hurt more is our summer holidays. We had a family holiday every year with her and my dad. Had some lovely times and took some nice photos to look back on. She always told me to take photos because u never know. She loved her holidays and me taking her shopping for new holiday clothes. I was her carer she never got out socially as she wasn’t into it any more but she did really enjoy her holidays with me and look forward to them. We did everything together so similar. When ur young u think ur parents are always going to be here, u don’t ever like to think of loosing them. For although my mam passed really sudden out the blue. I knew something was wrong even upto a year before, she was 62 and looked great but over the past year started to look really tired. I could see it in her face, her eyes had a lovely sparkle and the sparkle started to fade. She would always tell me she was tired even 3 month before she passed she would say that, gave her a hug about a month or 2 before she passed I said ur sparkle has gone in ur eyes…and that made me sad, she said it was because she was getting older but i knew there must be something more. U turn a blind eye to these things Cos u just don’t want to think of the worst. They say u know when ur time is coming I think she knew, she would keep saying things the past 6 months that made me think she must know, people say she was preparing me. “I want u to be ok, can u manage, I won’t always be here u know” broke my heart when she said that :sob: xxx

1 Like

I am afraid of holidays as well.
Yes, these are very frightening signs when they are becoming tired, their eyes’s sparkle started to fade, and yes, you think that your parents are always going to be here and don’t belive it would be that they aren’t. And I am thinking always, always, and I found that I didn’t want to accept the signs, beacuse I was afraid, and I wanted to believe that everything would be ok, but no. Never ever. I found that I thought if I don’t accept his death, he would come back to calm me, but I know that these are irrational thoughs, and the only thing is staying with me is the sadness of loosing him.

Same as me… u don’t want to accept the signs u see as u fear the worst. I miss her so much, I’ll never get over her. We were so close, she was my mam, my best friend and my pick me up. She picked me up when I needed it when no one else could xx


Yes, I think I feel what you say. In my world my father was my rock, soulmate, and I have a really perfect life, that I knew and I was grateful for it. Every morning I got up and said “everything is ok, my parents and everybody in my family is ok”, but now, it is over. I feel that I had got a crystal ball, but is has broken. That’s why every aspects of my life is broken. I feel like I would be in a big, big house, where there is my dad somewhere, but I can’t find him or the world don’t let me to find him. I feel with you when you say you’ll never get over your mum. I can’t pretend the world, I’m ok, that’s why a lot of people angry with me etc. I am just crying, because my supporting pillar of my life is lost.