Grief, it is hard

And there are so many strange things that go on in your head that you cant work out. Why did I do this. why didn’t I do that. What could I have done to help? It was a hard time for me because I know exactly what she was going through. I couldn’t do anything about it and that is what makes me feel so guilty all the time. But I suppose that part of grief is feeling the guilt? I was angry at her for leaving me but that was just a response. Having a down day today (yes, even after 3 years). Trying hard but going nowhere!


Dear @Johnch

Thank you for sharing an open and honest post which we all be able to identify with. Grief is hard and I am sure you did everything you could that was in your control. When we lose our loved one there is always a lot of thinking time as we are on our own.

It is ok to have a down day and it is part of the grieving process as is guilt, grief has no time limits. Please be gentle with yourself and continue to reach out here. We are all here for you, you are not alone and we understand the pain of losing a loved one and what you are going through.

Take care.


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So sorry for the way you are feeling i understand as i feel the same way i keep thinking what if i had got him to the hospital faster he might of still been here i have my husbands ashes and sometimes shout at him for leaving me on my own


I do the same thing! also thing if I had insisted he went into hospital but if a person has full capacity and they don`t want to there is nothing you can do. The day I did ring an Ambulance they said if we come will he come with us , even at that point he wanted me to give him another week at home. We can torture ourselves with these things but the outcome would more than likely be the same

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Thank you @sue11 I understand that, slightly different for me as she was an alcoholic and I tried so hard to stop her but couldn’t do it. I feel a failure.


My dad was an alcoholic there is nothing you should feel a failure for. The one thing you should feel is proud that you stood by her lots don`t. My mum stood by my dad they lost their business, their home it was only when that happened did he get help.

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My husband had colon and liver cancer he wanted to die at home but was so unwell it turned out his liver was shutting down i keep thinking if i had phoned for help faster could they have done something to help him