Lost my dad on 4th may, he ended up in a care home for 2.5 yrs due to his dementia getting severe..2 weeks before he passed away I went with him to hospital followed the ambulance as mum.struggles with copd. I stayed with him till 5 am to.see the doctor who explained blood tests showed high marker that he has issue with his liver . He spent a few days in hospital before going bk to.care home . He them just started going down hill .. Thursday before he died i went over he seem to perk up ate his food drank well . Then next day he wasnt good friday evening .we.all.stayed with him.till 12.30 am . I went bk the next morning on my own . He wouldn’t.eat nurse asked if I could see if he eat some Icecream but just dribbled out his mouth ..but the he totally broke my heart . He told me to let him go … please let me go I just cant get that out my head. Mum n brothers came in the afternoon to let me go home for a bit never told them.what he said to me..the Sunday he was worse monday I went in the morning n rest of family came at 12 .my son turned up.when I was there on my own… at 3 pm dads breathing was still not too bad so I.said I was just popping home quickly to let dog out for a wee so I left with my son by time I.pulled my car up.mum rang said he had died only lived 10.minutes away so I was with him at the end .
Hi @Chezsmth
First and foremost sorry for your loss. Secondly, there was a similar discussion last week amongst some of us about missing our loved ones death.
I was told by the hospital I had missed it by 10mins. Its only natural to react in horror, but apparently its a known phenomenon that people want to spare their children the pain of seeing their last breath.
A lot of people talk about on here how harrowing seeing and hearing it has left them traumatised.
So you shouldn’t blame yourself at all. It seems to happen to a lot of people. Similarly your dad saying let me go was probably more about the situation than anybody physically letting him go.
The image about the ice cream was similar to my mum. The last day she could use her phone she seemed to take lots of videos of herself and that was the resounding image. She had vascular dementia and they literally forget how to swallow. Aspiration pneumonia is the leading cause of death in dementia patients.
All in all, you did everything you could. In time you will look at the situation unilaterally and acknowledge that. For now, be kind to yourself, live day by day, and take solace in the words of others on here. We have all been there, it’s what unites us.
Daniel
Hello Chezsmth, im so sorry for the loss of you father,. Seeing your loved deteriorate. Is truly heartbreaking 
, I lost my husband in March, he had pneumonia, . The first week he seemed to be doing ok, I’d help him eat his food, eventually it got harder, he didn’t want to eat, ..after one night of me going home, they called me that they took him to the ICU, I didn’t get a chance to talk to him again 
. He passed away 2 weeks later. My life was completely shattered . This site has helped me deal with my emotions, I hope it helps you as well, take care and God bless you 
Thank you for what you have said. My mum had said he probably didnt want you or my son to see him go as she said wasnt nice.
He ended up dying of a uti which I was suprised at .
Yes in time I hope I can get that image out of my head when I was trying to feed him.
Thank you again
So sorry about you loosing your partner. He knew you cared n loved him.
Just wonder how long it takes to stop crying, every time someone asks me how I am or sorry about your dad the tears just come. I went bk to work Tuesday after being off 5 month from a knee replacement and then dad as soon as my manager asked how I was i tried so.hard not to cry n say I was ok but no tears came again. Father’s day was hard.
He never had a funeral he never wanted one. So had a pure cremations and had a memorial day in exmoore took some of his ashes . It was a lovely day all about memories of dad abs our holidays with him .
Hello, I only had a memorial service for my husband, with his ashes present, 2 weeks after that we had a small service at the cemetery where my husbands ashes now rest, next to his mother, where he wanted to be…i have 2 adult children who took the death of their father very hard, yes Fathers day was very hard for them as well. Take care