My dad passed away a week before my birthday in july 2025 from a nearly 2 year battle with cancer. Just saying it makes it seem like it was ages ago but it feels like yesturday. I can still see his lifeless body on the bed and its like I can still feel the cold when I tried to hold his hand to say my final goodbye. I didnt cry when I watched him take his final breath, I wanted to but my body wouldnt let me. I remember seeing the look in his eyes when he looked at me on that bed and I wondered if he was scared. I live with the guilt that he died thinking I didnt care cause I didnt show emotion and that I could’ve spent more time with him. I was a daddy’s girl growing up he was my best friend and he always had the best advice I really wish I could have a warm hug from him right now. After he died I pretended it didnt happen and blocked it out but ever since his birthday, February 14th, its all caught up to me. Everytime I think about him and how much I miss him I get this sinking feeling deep in my heart and it physically pains me to think about it and I wish I could push it aside still but I cant and its starting to affect my day to day life. Theres days I cant get out of bed or wash my hair or do my makeup. Theres days I look at his Facebook and look at all the photos he posted of me with cute captions and I cant stop crying. Everyday I wake up feeling sick to my stomach and no matter what I do it wont budge. I feel guilty everytime I think about holidays because its never going to be the same. You were the only person in my family I talked to about anything and felt like you actually liked me as a daughter. I feel so lost without you.
I know exactly how you feel. It’s very easy to feel like you did something wrong, or have a reason to feel guilty but you absolutely don’t. He knew how much you loved him, and he definitely found your presence comforting. I had this exact situation with my mum, almost like for line.
What you’re feeling is perfectly normal, some days are ok, some days are bad days, and some days are BAD days. Personally I think sometimes a healthy crying fit is your own way of, very slowly, working through all the emotions you didn’t know how to feel at the time. Let yourself feel the way you need to feel and remember to try and take care of yourself. You don’t have to be perfect every day, you just have to try your best. Even if sometimes that means lying in bed and crying.
Your dad loved you, and he knew you loved him. I’m sorry for your loss, but I hope you can one day enjoy all the happy memories.
Thank you so much you dont understand how much this helped, I’m sorry to hear about your mum i hope your doing okay to but again thank you so much