How do you know if your grief has tipped into depression?? I cry most days and struggle to get out of bed if i do not have anything I must do that day or someone i have arranged to meet or need to do v something for my dad who isn’t well. I am not interested in anything although i meet others, go to book club, attend a bereavement cafe. My husband was the axis of my world and he died 13 August - i don’t know if the way i am feeling is normal or not(I do everything that is required of me) but others seem to think i need anti-depressants ( some of them would have given me them week one!!)??
I’m so sorry for the loss of your husband. My husband died suddenly on 27 September, so you are a little further along this horrible journey. I have suffered with depression in the past and I really don’t think this is depression, it feels very different. If I have no appointments, I can’t be bothered to get out of bed either. I have cried every day since Simon passed away and, from reading the stories of people here, this is all part of grieving. I’m trying to manage without any medication because I think the grief needs to come out. I’m sending you love, hugs and peace. xx
Hi @Jsg. You’re going to a book club, a bereavement cafe and meeting others. I believe if you were depressed, none of this would be possible for you. I think GPs and other people are a little too quick to shove antidepressants at bereaved people for want of knowing how else to help. What you are suffering from is grief and there isn’t a drug in the world that will ‘cure’ it! There is no time line, no ‘proper’ way to handle it. You are still in the early days. If you want to stay in bed all day then do so. Grief is exhausting. You may need the sleep. We won’t always feel like this. Life has a way of creeping in and taking over. However, if YOU are worried about how you are feeling, have a chat with your GP. I’m so very sorry for your loss. Keep posting and reading on this forum. Everyone is so lovely and supportive and, most of all, know EXACTLY how you are feeling. Big cuddle to you xx.
When i phoned the doctor to get a sicknote and asked for something to help me sleep, he prescribed something with low dose anti depressants in. I was annoyed. I was depressed 10 years ago and this feeling isnt the same at all. I can be awake half the night and then stay undressed all day watching tv or crying. I didnt collect the pills from the chemist and im glad. I feel it would only complicate the grieving process.
I dont agree that doctors should give antidepressants out so readily.
Hi I totally agree its grief and not depression because you are actually getting out there and talking to the forum abiut how you feel.Grief is so exhausting some days I am so physically tired I just have to sleep.I know thou that I am not depressed as I do go for lunch with friends I go for walks and I have booked myself a few short breaks.However,I still feel the pain of the loss of our only son every minute of every day.My hubby died 12 years ago I had come to an acceptance of the loss of my husband as my son and I supported each other.Now he has gone I dont think I will ever begin to accept it.I cry often.Meds arent the answer .I have had a few people say “see if the Doctor can give you something”.No I have lost my hubby and my son I am grieving.Will meds give them back to me?.You wil realise the way you feel is normal and they way you grieve is the right way for you.If you want to sleep sleep but do take care of yourself there is only one of you.Sending you all my love xxx
I’m glad to read what you are all saying about grief versus depression. My husband died in July and we had been married form 54 years. I have cried every day since and i cried every day for the previous 3 years as he had dementia and it broke my heart to see him decline even though he wasn’t in the very advanced stages. He died after getting Covid which caused severe delirium from which he never recovered and spent his final 16 weeks in a nursing home which again broke my heart. My sister keeps telling me I need professional help but there is no help out of this intense and terrible grief. Wherever I am and whoever I am with he is on my mind. It is 6 months now and In thought I would feel better but like so many on this forum it is a dreadful way to feel.
At last some sound and sensible views on the question of Grief versus depression and will a pill cure all.
I am strongly against the taking of anti depressants for grief. We have to learn to accept and pick up the pieces of our lives once again. We are learning to walk all over again and they are tiny steps.
I do agree that we do find our way in life but it takes time and patience, that is not to say that we ever forget or stop loving but the grieving does become a bit more bearable.
Lets face it if our loved ones came back to us we would immediately be ‘cured’. Its all a learning curve that no one can teach us and there is no pill invented that can do that for us.
I was prescribed a low dose antidepressant for Fibromyalgia. That is a condition giving pain, exhaustion and lack of sleep to put it simply. The amitrypyline, I already knew from working with spinal injures, was part of research many years ago into pain relief. It works as a central nervous system pain killer but in addition it does help sleep. It is in a lower dose than an antidepressant dose so maybe this was what your Dr thought it worth you having it for. Safer than sleeping tablets.
That was a truly terrible question and response from your former colleague. I don’t know how you managed to only walk out in tears. She deserves a reprimand and the very least for that totally insensitive attitude.
I suppose I can see why you should have got such a response from a friend who thought it was for the best. All they see is the suffering of both you and your dear Peter but we want to hang onto our men and take care of them forever and don’t see it like they do.
For those of us that have been on this journey longer we can say and I firmly believe and agree with you. There is no one that can get us through this but ourselves. It has to come from within. I said this once on this forum to a member and I got a blasting from her. I often wonder two years on how she managed in the end.
Take care of yourself
So easy to hurt people by saying such a blunt thing. Yes, she was probably caring about you but not understanding the depth of love some of us have for our darling husbands.
I agree that we need to help ourselves get through this but I also use my love for Richard as a strength to do so, which means that in a way he is helping me, as he always did. I use his dedication to looking after house, garden and farmland as my inspiration to do the same to the best of my ability.
What a lovely and inspiring post. I also think that my husband is helping me. We had large allotments and he asked me to keep both of them going. A lot of land to work but I have kept it working single handed and when I am on his plot I feel I am doing it for him and is he satified with what I have done. I really think that having this land has given me something to focus on and helped me through my grief with the hard work and concentration to detail.
I also hate text messages and have avoided them as much as possible. Always best to talk things through and I am sure your friend thought she was being helpful and thinking of both you and Peter.
I don’t think anyone can quite say the right thing to a grieving person though.
Thanks @Pattidot I really would love to be able to help others so if a tiny glimmer appears in anyone because of anything I have said I am delighted.
This is such a tough journey we all need every glimmer we can get.
Your allotment sounds hard work but great.
Yes @Lonely texts aren’t great at all if they don’t express properly what someone means. We gain so much from people’s faces which can soften words but it was still not tactful to say in ANY way.