I lost my partner very suddenly, almost 18 weeks ago. My family suggested I spoke to my doctor because they feel I may be depressed, well I guess grief can make you feel like that! I have been bad tempered and am really struggling coming to terms with it but am not sure about medication. I told the doctor I didn’t think I needed to take anything at the moment, so she has left it open if I change my mind. Because we weren’t married and had ‘retired’ 6 months before he died, I dont get any of his pension. I know I need to get back out there and get myself a job but it terrifies me, we’d run our own business since we’d been together and the thought of going out to find a job fills me with dread. My stomach is turning over just writing about it and I feel panicky. I can manage financially for now but not for ever, so I will have to find the stength and find a way to control my anxiety.
So sorry Claire I was 65 when my husband passed wasn’t entitled to anything it’s so hard lv annie x x
So sorry to hear that, how long has it been for you?
@Claire62 I lost my life partner, my wife, in October too. Like me I suspect your grief is still very raw and close to the surface. I thought I was doing ok this morning then suddenly I’m in a time out having burst into tears reading another post here. It is not depression but the extreme sadness that overwhelms us. Look at the various threads here. You will find you are not alone.
Yes, I know what you mean. One minute you’re quite proud of yourself because you feel you’re coping and the next just a jibbering mess. I’m definitely trying to find purpose in my life at times but I have two sons and a grandaugther to keep going for. One day I hope to feel like I want to keep going for me too.
@Claire62
There was another thread on here discussing the difference between depression and grief but it’s often not easy to find old threads.
I would say you are much more likely suffering normal grief symptoms. It would be perfectly normal to feel as you do. Immense sadness from grief is not the same as depression so no idea whether medication would even help. Maybe some of the nurses / ex nurses on here would know more about that.
Hugs xxx
Thank you Karenf. I guess the feeling that you can’t control your emotions makes you and others think you’re depressed. I think you could be right and it’s the grief.
milliemmollie - sounds like you have a lot to contend with. I don’t think a year is really any time at all when you experience such a great loss. I was however, trying to explain my distraught 25 year old son that he will start to feel better and be able to smile again but to give himself time and to allow his feelings. I can tell others but feel I should be doing better myself, silly really.
My GP said i was depressed, but there was a reason for it and so we both decided not to go on anti depressants but to try counselling.
Had my telephone assessment last week, after numerous on a scale type questions and ‘free chat’ they decided i was moderately to severely depressed and moderately anxious and would benefit from bereavement counselling.
One of the (stupid) questions they asked was what is my goal from the counselling…
@Claire62 Your advice to your son is sound. But you seem to be trying to be the strong one for your family. If you are able to let your grief flow with them they will feel they have permission to grieve more openly with you. You may then feel you are all doing the same. I don’t know whether wondering if you are doing better or worse is worthwhile as I am not sure what is better or what is worse when expressing grief. Perhaps only expressing what you feel in the moment is the way forward and doing this together. In doing so you would be listening to your own good advice. Love and support.
Mike75 - You really hit the nail on the head there, very sound advice too, thank you. I hope you have people around to help you too.
@Claire62 Thank you for your kind words. I do have good support not only from family and friends but from other very kind and understanding people on this site. xx